The RikkaiDai Sleepover
by Feyren
Summary: Yukimura suggests a sleepover, and chaos unfolds.
1. The Announcement

Hi, everyone! I'm writing this on a whim, actually. I'm not sure if I should add chapters to this or not. I just feel like writing something deliciously random, after reading all of the hilarious stories on this website! Ah, it's been such a long time since I've written something just for my own entertainment! It's quite bothersome writing serious romance stories. I do enjoy including amusing author's notes randomly in my stories. I know you've all heard of the saying, 'The most important part about writing is learning the rules and then knowing when to break them,' but there are broken rules that will lead me to an F in creative writing class. However scornful I am about some of those rules, I have to follow them . . . I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing it. I really do adore RikkaiDai.

* * *

"Yukimura-san," Kirihara pleaded. "No! You remember what happened last time! You can't force me to do this again. It's child abuse! Have you no sympathy, buchou?" His teammates looked on helplessly. They couldn't save him now. They couldn't even save themselves.

One would think his captain was forcing him to mass murder the school. No, of course not. That would just be silly.

"I HATE TEAM BONDING!" Kirihara cried. He then buried his face in his hands and wept silently in the corner.

Yukimura gave him an all too innocent look. "But Akaya! I thought you liked our last team-bonding activity."

Everyone sweat dropped simultaneously. Magical thought bubbles formed above their heads as they recalled their last 'pleasant' experience. It involved Akaya's drowning in the Amazon River, Sanada's losing his precious cap and grieving for it for weeks, Niou's near-death experience after being tied to a tree by a cobra, and much more. Oh, and Jackal was scarred for life after watching . . . something. (Dirty, dirty minds. That wasn't what I meant. It was something about a polar bear and a toucan, I believe. Did I mention that already?)

"What is it, everyone?" Yukimura asked, clearly disconcerted. "Don't you like our team-bonding events?" He gave his troubled team a prize winning smile, clearly awaiting some praise.

A cricket chirped. Many times.

"Yukimura," Marui began, putting the green gum in his mouth on hold for a moment, "your events are somewhat . . . _extreme._"

"I have no idea what you mean."

Renji frowned. "Unless you've forgotten, our last team-bonding activity was a trip to the Amazon River. Might I add that some of us had near-death experiences . . . I really don't believe the RikkaiDai tennis team would be willing to go through that trauma again."

"Of course I didn't forget," Yukimura replied easily. "How could I? Had it not been for that experience, I would never have known the thrill of watching a cobra choke a human. I rather enjoyed it. I took some beautiful pictures of you all, and forwarded them to the other schools. I received nothing but great responses."

"Yukimura, you –" Sanada tried.

"Whoever doesn't participate will find themselves the reserve player for the rest of the month."

"I'll come," Sanada immediately announced.

Yukimura smiled appreciatively at him.

Hesitantly, Marui stepped forward. Niou followed, and Jackal stepped up too. Yagyuu stood next to Niou, and Renji took a spot near Jackal. "What about you, brat?" Niou called. "You coming or not?"

Akaya gave Niou a death-glare, but walked forward anyway. "If I die, I'm suing you," he muttered, wiping tears from his blood-red face.

"Good," Yukimura said, looking pleased. "Would you like to hear what our team-bonding activity will be?"

Everyone flinched.

"An . . ."

They drew back in preparation.

". . . exciting . . ."

They covered their faces with fear.

". . . slumber party!"

They gave Yukimura a dumbfounded look. It stayed that way for several minutes. Finally, Sanada cleared his throat. "Fine idea, Yukimura."

"Y-yeah," Niou stammered. "Sounds slumber-y."

"I'm so glad to hear you're all excited! It will be held at my house, Saturday at six in the afternoon. We'll play so many exciting games," he continued, "like Concentration, and Patty cake, and Truth or Dare."

They sweat dropped in unison again. "Aren't we a bit old to be playing those games?" Renji protested.

"How about Strip Poker? And Strip Twister? And –"

"Stop right there, Niou," Yagyuu told him. "We have Akaya with us, remember?"

"Indeed. We wouldn't want to taint innocent, pure mind," Jackal agreed.

Marui gave them all a dubious look, then turned his attention to the second year who was silently fuming and turning very, very red in the corner. "Him? Innocent? I don't think so."

"That means we can drink Vodka and play Strip Poker in his face!" Niou cried in delight.

_In his face?_

The group sweat-dropped again, even Devil Akaya, and they all took a good step or twenty away from him. Rapidly turning away, Renji wondered, "What should we bring?"

"Just yourselves," Yukimura insisted. "Oh, and if you could get in contact with Inui, that'd be great."

"What for?"

"I want some of that Inui Juice he's so infamous for."

"How much of it?"

"Enough for eight people," he replied with a malicious grin.

Renji knew exactly how many people were in his team, but he counted anyway, just to be certain. And much to his disappointment and fear, he counted eight trembling tennis players. "Inui's on vacation," he lied.

"Really?" Yukimura shrugged. "Well, okay. I hear he has an online manufacturing account. I'll just order eight glasses of that blue vinegar drink he invented."

"You'd be better off with Penal Tea," Renji mended.

"But they don't sell it online. Inui only posted the vinegar drink. It looks very satisfying."

"I could get you Penal Tea," he said quickly.

"But Inui's on vacation."

"He's not leaving till tomorrow. I can go get some today. Now. And be too busy to come back to practice for the rest of the day."

"Now? Well, that'd be helpful." Yukimura nodded his approval. "Alright, then. Thank you."

Renji ran off.

"I'll, uh, come with him," Niou suggested. "He'll need help carrying all those crates of juice."

"But it's only eight glasses," Yukimura responded, confused.

"I'm much stronger than he is," Niou insisted, and raced after Renji.

"I'll help too," Marui quickly said, and followed Niou.

"You can't manage by yourself," Jackal yelled after him, and dashed toward the other three runaways.

"I ought to go too. I'm stronger than all of them combined!" Akaya bragged, following them out of the tennis courts.

"I better go and make sure they don't get into any trouble," Yagyuu informed his captain with a sigh. And he disappeared too.

Sanada approached Yukimura, not making any attempt to get away, but not looking overjoyed either. "You know," Yukimura told him thoughtfully, "the way they keep running away . . . you'd think they're trying to escape from me or something." Then he waved his hand, as if to wave the ridiculous notion away.

Sanada sighed.

* * *

Well? What did you think? This is the first time I posted anything . . . I'd like reviews, of course, but only if you have the time. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't give flames. They just crush people's dreams, don't you think? Well, this took me around fifteen minutes. And now it's lunch time. If you think I should write about the sleepover, please tell me in the review page thingie. If you don't, well, leave it be. I apologize; my evil cousin has come to wreak havoc in my quaint home yet again. Please excuse me while I go and murder him with a butcher knife. Have a nice day.


	2. No Turning Back

Hi, me again

Hi, me again. Luckily, I got some positive responses from you all. Thank you, AnimeFreak688 and EvCaCeLy, my first two reviewers! Anyway, now that I have finished punishing my younger cousin and have washed his blood from my hands, I can start writing again! My goal is to update weekly, maybe sooner. I'm so happy you all approve of my story thus far! What evil things shall Yukimura-kun do to them next? Ideas and suggestions are more than welcome! Oh, and I made the mistake of not including my disclaimer in my story last time. I hate writing disclaimers. I mean, everyone already knows this stuff isn't mine. Not even the Inui Juice.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine, people.

**Warnings: **Inui Juice. Oh, we all fear Inui juice. Bow down to the holy Inui Juice.

* * *

Akaya looked far from pleased. Knowing him, he probably _wasn't _pleased to begin with. Ridiculous, isn't it? Who wouldn't want to participate in a bunch of games that could possibly kill him or scar him for life?

Niou grumbled something that Akaya didn't catch. Something along the lines of, ". . . Why do I have to take this little brattling to Yukimura's sleepover? Sleepovers are for girls. Where girls go and paint their nails because they have nothing better to do. Where they sit around and gossip and fix each other's hair. And then they watch some stupid chick flick and –"

"Have you ever been to a sleepover?" Akaya asked, looking up at his senpai in surprise.

Niou cursed under his breath. "Yes, I have."

Akaya grinned. "_Senpai's been to a sleepover," _he chanted. _"Senpai's been to a sleepover!"_

"What's so bad about sleepovers?" Niou asked indignantly, clutching at his pride.

"'Sleepovers are for girls. Where girls go and paint their nails because they have nothing better to do,'" Akaya recited. "'Where they sit around and gossip and fix each other's hair. And then they watch some stupid chick flick and –'" Akaya stopped talking. "You stopped there, senpai. Care to continue?"

"You heard that, huh?" Niou muttered awkwardly. "Well, I don't want to go to Yukimura's house to watch a chick flick either. Where they watch movies like 'The Notebook' and –"

Akaya cut him off again. "You watched the movies?"

"Yeah," he admitted.

"Why?"

"My sister forced me!" he insisted. "I was only seven then." Niou looked away and closed his eyes, as if the memory brought too much pain. "She and her friends," he said in a hoarse whisper. "They . . . they . . ."

"They what?" Akaya asked, growing worried.

"_They braided my hair!_" Niou finally burst out, dropping to his knees and covering his face with his hands. His entire body was shaking.

"There, there, Niou-senpai," Akaya said soothingly, patting his senpai's back. However, he used more strength than necessary, and Niou jerked forward.

"_Ow!_" he complained, rubbing his back. He gave Akaya a death-glare. "What the hell was that for?"

Akaya just whistled and kept walking. "We're there," he announced randomly. Niou looked ahead.

Gathered on Yukimura's porch stood five individuals: Marui, Yanagi, Yagyuu, Sanada, and Jackal. Marui noticed Niou and Akaya walking toward them and greeted them with a wave. Akaya raced forward while Niou strode forward more casually. "What are you all doing?" Niou questioned, looking more curious than suspicious.

"We have an escape plan ready," Marui whispered, glancing at Yukimura's door to make sure he wasn't listening.

Akaya stared at him with interest. Sanada rolled his eyes and sat on the rocking chair. "Paranoid," he muttered, rocking back and forth.

"In case Yukimura decides to force a certain . . . _drink _on us," Renji began, "we –"

"What drink?" Akaya asked, interrupting his senpais yet again. It was clear from the sudden silence that many others had been wondering the same thing. (Then again, there weren't many. Just five people. Do you think five is many? Okay, whatever you say.)

"You'll find out when you get there," Renji said grimly.

Yagyuu nodded. "In any case, what Renji was trying to say was that in case of an emergency, Marui immediately makes a dash for the exit. Jackal follows close behind in case Marui runs out of strength. They know each other best, so they will be working together. They will run toward the front door, where I will be waiting with a paperclip. We will try to open the door in case it is locked and escape while Akaya keeps Yukimura distracted. Meanwhile, Yanagi will try to escape through the largest window in the bathroom. There should be just enough room for him to get through. Sanada will escape through the back door that leads to Yukimura's garden. He rarely keeps that door locked, so it should be easy to get through. Niou, you'll be with Sanada. Akaya will run upstairs as quickly as he can while Yukimura is trying to find the rest of us and go straight into buchou's younger sister's room. She will be away for the night, so Akaya will have no problem getting in. Akaya, run straight to the fire escape and run downstairs as quickly as you can! If you turn west and run forward, you'll spot a lamppost. That is where the rest of us will be located. Then we will go home like normal human beings."

Niou sweat dropped, but Akaya's eyes were sparkling with delight. "That's a brilliant idea!" he averred, looking up at his senpais with admiration. Niou sweat dropped again.

"We may as well go in," Sanada told them, his tone inviting no argument. "You are all wasting your time out here, planning for escape. Yukimura will not kill you."

"How do you know?" Marui accused. "For all we know, you could be plotting with him, forming an alliance." He shuddered.

" . . ."

"Everyone, just stick to the plan and we'll be fine," Renji assured. "I've gone over my data, and I predict we'll make it out of here, considering the circumstances are favorable for us."

"They are?" Jackal asked in surprise.

"No, but they might be."

"Really reassuring, Yanagi-senpai," Akaya groaned. "What if we –" Someone cut _him _off this time.

There was a series of clicking sounds, and suddenly, the mahogany door flung open. In the light stood Yukimura, blue hair gleaming and blue eyes sparkling. "Welcome, everyone. I was almost afraid you wouldn't show up." He turned to give Renji a gracious smile. "I really must thank you for the Inui Juice you brought. It's all prepared."

Everyone screamed at Renji, "_YOU ACTUALLY GAVE IT TO HIM?" _Everyone except Sanada, of course. He would never scream, unless he wanted to slap someone. He had a reputation to worry about. Oh, and Yukimura didn't shout either. He had no idea what was going on. And definitely not Renji. Yelling at himself was just silly.

"I had to!" he cried. "He's the captain!"

"Um, I'm standing right here," Yukimura informed them, looking perplexed. "What is it?"

Everyone immediately stood in an orderly fashion and gave their captain a dignified stare. "Nothing at all," they replied in unison.

"Single file!" Sanada called, and they all proceeded inside. Everything was neat and orderly.

Since Renji was the last one to enter the room, he was the one to close the door. He made sure not to lock it. Then Yukimura approached and smiled at him. He pulled out a lock that as big as Inui's data book and put it on the door. He then blocked Renji's view and set the combination lock to some random eight digit number. Renji sweat dropped. He took this opportunity to check out the windows, while Yukimura was busy locking the door.

All the windows were shut and locked.

Renji sweat dropped. Thrice. Times five. Squared. Plus eight. To the infinitieth power.

He wanted to tell the others, but decided he'd tell them later since it was so peaceful and quiet.

That is, until Akaya spotted eight empty glasses on the table. He put two and two together and realized it equaled Inui Juice. His eyes widened with fear and he screamed, "EVERYBODY! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" He scrambled up the stairs and hid in a closet.

Yukimura, looking amused, told the group, "I'll go fetch him."

They nodded meekly.

They had entered the house.

They had made their choice.

There was no turning back.

Anyway, I hope you all liked it. There's so much to do, and I'm afraid I won't get to update this week after all. I have to type up my novella for a contest, prepare for my biology test, and study for a math quiz. So I figured I'd update today. Hope you all enjoyed! Ideas are very welcome!


	3. War of the Wii

Greetings, everyone! I'm happy to say I got more reviews! Anyway, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this story. It will revolve around one chaotic Saturday evening, with Inui Juice and Truth or Dare added in just for the heck of it. I'm very excited. I hope to finish this story soon, because I already have an idea for a new series. TPoT: American Revolution! What would happen if, instead of Paul Revere, we had Eiji Kikumaru? And what about George Washington? What if George Washington became Tezuka Kunimitsu? Heh, I'm getting sidetracked again. Anyway, thank you all very much for the reviews! I'm afraid this chapter won't be as humorous as the other chapters. I don't know why, but I'm just kind of out of ideas today. But I really want to write, so here goes! Enjoy!

* * *

Yukimura walked back downstairs, trying to comfort a clearly distressed Kirihara. Never had Yukimura been more confused in his life. It was almost as if his young teammate feared him. But surely that couldn't be true. He had no reason to fear him.

Why had he been hiding anyway? Was it the eight crystalline glasses he had placed on the table? _But that was the centerpiece, _Yukimura thought in confusion. _They've seen it before. I thought it'd make a good display . . ._

Poor Yukimura, having to slave over why his teammates were acting so queer. His intentions were innocent, really. He hadn't meant any harm. He wasn't going to cause any harm.

At least, not intentionally.

"Buchou," Kirihara sniffled.

"Yes?" he replied soothingly.

Kirihara wiped away his tears. "Why did you lock every window and door in the house?"

"Oh, Akaya. You can't be worried about _that, _can you?" Yukimura smiled down at the second year. "I'm not going to lock you all in my house and force you all to stay here until I'm satisfied torturing you. Why would I ever do that? Have I ever done that?" He thought about what he said for a while. "Oh, wait . . ."

". . ."

"What is it, Akaya?"

"Nothing," came the unwilling reply.

Yukimura shrugged the unconvincing response off. His teammates always acted strange. Why couldn't they be more like him, more _normal? _He shook his head mentally. His teammates, however talented they were, had a tendency to be so queer sometimes.

"Ne, Akaya," Yukimura suddenly piped up. "Have you ever heard of 'The Notebook'?"

Kirihara winced visibly. "N-no," he lied.

"Oh, good. I was considering watching it with you all today. If you all watched it already, well, what would be the fun in that?"

Kirihara mentally slapped himself on the forehead.

"I hear it's a very good story," Yukimura continued. "Something about lost love, then renewed again. I imagine Yagyuu might like to watch it."

"We don't have to watch it," Kirihara protested mildly. "How about something more fun? Like Truth or Dare?"

Yukimura smiled. "Excellent idea, Akaya! I was thinking of that too! Oh, it will be so exciting. I have so many dares already thought up in my mind. For example –"

"Ah, senpai? That's not necessary," Akaya interrupted hastily.

"Akaya, you shouldn't interrupt others, especially upperclassmen," Yukimura scolded. "It's very rude."

They made their way down the staircase. Yukimura gave a luminous smile to the crowd waiting downstairs. "Hello, everyone. Akaya is fine. Just a mild misunderstanding," he assured. "Now, where were we?"

Sanada sighed, and walked up to Yukimura. "I suggest twenty laps to begin with."

"What, why?" Yukimura seemed disappointed. "That doesn't sound like an exciting activity. And besides, I'd have to open by combination lock. I think I've already forgotten the combination."

"They –" Sanada stopped speaking. He obviously thought better of it and mumbled, "Never mind."

"Now," Niou added, chuckling nervously. "What was that you were talking about? Something about forgetting a lock combination or whatever?"

"Ah, yes. I don't believe I remember the lock combination." Yukimura tipped his head to one side and gave them a curious look. "It's too bad," he finally said with a shrug, "but it can't be helped. Guess we're stuck with each other for a while." He chuckled. He gave them all a sweet smile, so sweet that even poor Marui got cavities. "This is all so wonderful!" he finally told them.

Imagine a scene where the speaker is surrounding by falling cherry blossoms. A sweet breeze drifts by, sweeping up the speaker's hair. Then the speaker gives a heartwarming, smile with closed eyes. That's what just happened. Just thought I should clarify.

Now imagine the chibi RikkaiDai tennis team, excluding Sanada and Yukimura, all standing side by side with an enormous sweat drop all the way to the left. That's what happened two seconds after.

"So how will we leave?" Yanagi asked hesitantly.

"You won't. At least, not until I remember the lock combination." Yukimura's eyes glinted maliciously. "Well, let's all go to the computer room. I'm sure we'll find something entertaining there." He smiled. "Follow me."

They followed him, albeit unwillingly, but followed him all the same.

Niou, who was lagging behind a little to avoid getting reprimanded for sulking by Sanada, noticed a DVD case sitting alone by a potted rose. While the others weren't paying attention, he scurried over to it and looked at the title. It said, 'The Notebook'.

"Ne, buchou," Niou said hastily, catching up to Yukimura. "Uh, what're we going to be doing today?"

"I'm not really sure yet," Yukimura admitted. "I recently bought a Wii. I thought we could play with that for a while."

"Wii tennis?"

"Yes, of course."

Niou cheered silently, and found his way to Yagyuu.

"What was that all about?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"I negotiated our death warranty!" he explained cheerily.

"That makes . . . perfect sense, Niou-kun," Yagyuu replied uncertainly.

"You don't understand. I just saved the entire team from a lifetime of humiliation."

"I'm sure you did."

"You still don't understand."

"I'm sure I don't."

Niou pondered this. How would he explain this to his best friend? Meanwhile, Yukimura plugged in the game. The flat screen TV turned on immediately. He handed Marui a remote control thingie that was obviously meant to replace the tennis racket. Yukimura kept one for himself and started the game. "You're player one," he explained. "I'm player two. Wave the wand and swing it in order to swing the tennis racket." He proceeded to explain everything else, none of which I am going to explain because it's way too much and I have better things to do.

"Buchou, prepare to lose," Marui said cockily, blowing a green bubble.

Ten minutes later, on the TV, one side of the screen, read _Player One: YOU LOSE! _and the other side read _Player Two: YOU WIN!_

On one side of the room, Yukimura smiled. On the other side of the room, Marui muttered angry curse words. "It's a stupid game," he grumbled. "I could've won it; not my fault the game doesn't have my signature moves . . ."

"Accept defeat, Marui!" Niou said, patting his teammate on the back. Then he muttered, out of the corner of his mouth, "At least we don't have to watch 'The Notebook'."

"I'll go next!" Akaya declared, taking the controller from Marui. "My sister has this game. I go on it everyday."

"Is that why your grades have dropped so much?" Sanada demanded, giving Akaya a glare.

"Eheh, of course not!" he quickly covered.

"Now is the match between Kirihara Akaya and Yukimura Seiichi!" Niou shouted. "May the best player win!"

"You're going down."

"Good luck, Akaya."

And war begins.

* * *

It's all over! I'd write more, because I don't feel that this is very good a chapter. However, I have two essays for social studies, five plot outlines and character studies for creative writing, a math test, a science test, a Spanish test, and a bunch of other priorities. I don't want to be a procrastinator or anything, so . . . Besides, I recently came up with another new plot idea – not for , because it's not a fanfiction. I mean an original plot for a novel. I want to get my friends' opinions, though I highly doubt they'd be of any benefit to me. My friends' comments have a tendency to destroy my novels altogether. Maybe I should keep it to myself. I really like this idea, but I think it's going to need a lot more revision before it is written on the pages of my new journal. Anyway, thanks for the reviews! I'm very grateful. Oh, by the way: today is May 2nd, my evil cousin's birthday! His name is Jerry; he is so cute when he's not tearing apart the house. He turned seven years old today!


	4. This is What Happens When

Hi, and welcome back! Sorry if my stories are getting boring, especially this chapter. I've been kind of depressed lately, and am now eating lots of chocolate and listening to "So Sick" by Ne-Yo. The guy's a genius. Anyway, I'm so happy I've been getting so many good responses from you all! It makes me feel much better. This story will probably end by the 6th or 7th chapter. This chapter is most likely going to be about Wii and Truth or Dare. I can only imagine what's going happen... Oh, and just a warning. There are going to be some OCs mentioned in this chapter, though they won't actually make an appearance. They're insignificant, simply included for comical relief. Just replace them with your name if you're a fan of the RikkaiDai character that's dating the OC, if you want.

* * *

Forty-three matches later, Yukimura still reigned as the undefeated champion of Wii. He smiled down at his teammates, most of which were desperately holding on to the sofa for support. Innocently, he asked, "Anyone want a rematch?"

"_NO,_" was the abrupt response.

"Not even you, Akaya?"

Akaya breathed heavily, unable to reply. He used what strength he had to grab a glass of water and bring it to his lips, only to drop it due to lack of energy.

"Oh, no. Mother won't be pleased," Yukimura said disapprovingly. "This is her favorite carpet. I think it's Swedish."

Yanagi, who was intelligent enough to conserve his energy while playing the game, said, "From the looks of it, it's Spanish."

"Really?" Yukimura asked, looking interested. He smiled. "Well, back to the topic. Just because I defeated you all at Wii Tennis doesn't mean we can't play one of the other games. There's Wii Bowling and Wii Boxing, even Wii Golf." He gave Yagyuu a meaningful glance, but Yagyuu was sitting on the sofa, drinking a glass of lemon water. \

"I must decline," he replied politely. "I have a dance that I must attend tomorrow, and I mustn't waste my energy."

"Eh?" Akaya asked, recovering his strength quickly. "As in a date?"

"Aha! Who asked you? Where? When?" Niou asked immediately, miraculously regaining his energy as well.

Yagyuu's glasses glinted. "Minori-san. Minori Yuriko."

Yukimura sighed. Sensing they wouldn't be playing Wii again anytime soon, he put away the equipment and sat down to listen.

"The vice president of the photography club?" Akaya asked, looking surprised.

Marui blew a bubble, somehow finding the strength to chew gum. "Heard she's okay. Way better student than Akaya." His eyes shone with mischief.

"Hey!" Akaya exclaimed, looking annoyed.

"Did you ask her out?" Jackal asked, looking interested.

"No," he replied. "Her club is having a dance, and they all have to come with dates. Thus she asked me."

"You were too much of a gentleman to decline," Akaya sneered.

"Shut up brat," Niou snapped.

Sanada sighed. He desperately wanted to assign his team laps, but he couldn't because they were locked in Yukimura's house.

There was a moment of silence. Then:

"I'm bored."

All eyes turned to Akaya. Yanagi frowned. "We could play with the Wii again, I suppose." That statement was immediately followed by protesting groans.

"How about Truth or Dare?" Marui suggested.

Niou's eyes lit up. "That's perfect."

Akaya looked at his senpais dubiously. "What are you going to dare? We can't do anything extreme. We can't even leave the house."

Marui grinned. "There are a lot of things we could do in here, trust me. Come on. Let's start the game."

And so they all sat in a circle. "Everyone, pick a number," Yukimura ordered. "Ready? Whoever's guess is closest to the number I am thinking of goes first. Niou, you start."

"Green."

"That's not a number."

"We had to pick a number?"

" . . ."

"Seventeen."

"_Thank you._"

Next was Marui. "Sixty-eight."

Then came Jackal. "Thirty."

"Twelve." Yanagi.

"Fifty." Sanada. Why the hell was he even playing this game?

"Ninety," Yagyuu said.

"One billion twenty-nine," Akaya declared.

Everyone gave him a look.

"Who goes first?" Yanagi asked.

"Akaya."

Everyone gave _him _a look. "What was the number?" Jackal asked, confused.

"One billion thirty."

"Oh."

"I get to start!" Akaya cheered. "Uhm, let's see. This dare's for . . . Marui-senpai!" He grinned mischievously. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare," Marui replied, looking very tense.

"I dare you to . . . ask Yukimura-buchou's racket to marry you!"

"What the hell?"

"DO IT!"

Yukimura chuckled. "Oh, I've got to see this." He ran upstairs to fetch his tennis racket. When he walked back into the computer room, he placed his racket in front of Marui, who was already down on one knee.

"Oh, Yukimura's racket. I have seen you everyday since we were first years. Yukimura always used you to win his games, and I fell in love with you instantly. We have known each other for three years now, and I cannot wait any longer. Will you marry me?" Then, out of the side of his mouth, Marui added, "Does anyone have a rose?"

Akaya dug into his pocket and pulled out a blade of grass. He handed it to his senpai.

Marui stared at him. "Why is that in your pocket?"

Akaya shrugged. "I named it Bob," he said proudly.

" . . ."

"Anyway." Marui turned back to the navy blue racket laid out on the Swedish – or was it Spanish? – carpet. He held out the blade of grass. "Will you marry me?" he repeated.

Silence.

Marui stood up, dropping the little green plant on Kirihara's head. "See, this is what happens when you propose to a cold, metal racket. Anyway, it's my turn now, isn't it?"

"Yes," Yukimura conceded.

"Okay, then. This is for Yukimura-buchou. Truth or dare?"

"Truth," he replied with a smile.

"Have you ever kissed Ri-chan before?"

"Who's Ri-chan?" Akaya asked, confused.

"President of the journalism and writing club," Jackal explained. "She's been dating Yukimura they were second years."

"Yes."

Silence.

"This is what happens when you ask your captain an absurdly simple question," Niou snapped.

"My turn now, I believe." Yukimura's eyes sparkled maliciously. "This one is for Sanada."

"I refuse to take part in this game," he replied calmly.

"So Sanada loses the first round," Yanagi mumbled, mentally recording some data. Sanada stood up and sat on the sofa, magically pulling out a book to read.

"See, this is what happens when you even attempt to play Truth or Dare with fuku-buchou!" Akaya pronounced.

Yukimura tipped his head to one side. "If you insist. This is for Niou, then. Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to e-mail Tezuka telling him you stole all of Seigaku's tennis balls."

"I'm going to die if I do that."

"I know."

". . ."

Yukimura signed onto his computer and hacked into Niou's account.

"Hey! How do you know my account password?"

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"N-no . . ."

Yukimura stood and told Niou to type up the e-mail. And he did. Then he sent it.

"This is what happens when you come to one of Yukimura's team bonding events. Don't worry. It could be worse," Yanagi told him sympathetically.

_Yeah. At least we don't have to watch "The Notebook"._

* * *

To PurpleBerry21: No, I don't have a Wii. Many of my friends have Wiis, though, so I often play it. I can never master the fast serve! How do you do it?

TeNniS-Pride: I'm so glad you like it! Thank you for the review!

And thank you, everyone else who reviewed! I'm very grateful!

There's much more to come. I like the idea of Truth or Dare! I've never played it before, actually. I think I'll continue with that idea in the next chapter, and then . . . Oh, no. I hope I think of something by next Saturday! Bye, everyone! Oh, and my birthday is next Saturday. May 10th. Yay!


	5. Fashion Magazines and Perfume

Hey, everyone! Just in case you all forgot, today's my birthday! Let's all worship me for a while. Ah, I feel so loved. Okay, we can continue with the story now! Charge! In this chapter, Jackal meets a deadly fate, Marui's self confidence is shattered, and it's all because of fashion magazines and Inui Juice. Totally awesome, is it not? Sorry if there are any typos here. I was kind of in a hurry today.

_**Disclaimer**_: So not mine. 'So Sick' by Ne-Yo isn't mine either.

* * *

Yukimura glanced at the clock. It had been fifty minutes since his teammates had begun the game of Truth or Dare. He acknowledged the fact that he had been the one who originally planned this party, but this game was turning pointless. It was almost boring.

"Marui-senpai!" Kirihara shouted. "It's your turn!"

Marui grinned. "I dare Jackal to . . . drink a glass of Inui Juice."

The room grew eerily silent.

Niou smirked. "Nice one. Yukimura, you _do _have Inui Juice, don't you?"

"Yes, Yanagi was kind enough to bring me some. I'll go get it now."

Okay, not that boring.

Yukimura strolled into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. He wrapped his delicate fingers around a glass of bubbling, lavender juice and sniffed it. It smelled like kitty litter, salmon, and his sister's expired perfume mixed into one. And then there was that intriguing scent of rotten cheese, mingling in there too. He smiled and walked back into the living room, where his teammates offered a few words of consolation to Jackal. Yukimura handed the glass to him.

Niou peered over his shoulder curiously. "Is that it? It doesn't look too bad. Looks like my cousin's heather tea."

"It smells like my sister's heather perfume," Yukimura added, not mentioning the 'expired' part.

Jackal took the glass from his captain reluctantly. "If your sister wears this, then . . ." He closed his eyes, and in one swift motion he drank the glass.

Everyone watched him with eager eyes.

Jackal gagged, dropping the glass. It shattered into a hundred pieces. Jackal's eyes glazed over, and his mouth hung open. When Yukimura looked, he saw bits of fish resting innocently on his tongue. Jackal's teeth were a dangerous shade of violet, and his tongue a curious color of green. He clutched at his throat desperately, but his attempt was in vain. His grip slackened and he relaxed. Well, not so much relaxed as fainted, but you get my point. He collapsed right there on the spot, eyes wide open and bulging. His pupils were purple. A gooey, lavender liquid trailed out of his mouth.

"The carpet!" Yukimura cried.

Everyone sweat-dropped. Their teammate was half-dead, and Yukimura was crying over the carpet. Do you see anything wrong with that?

"Maybe we ought to move on," Yanagi mumbled after a five minute silence.

"Yeah," Akaya agreed earnestly. "I want to go next, since Jackal-senpai is kind of dead and all."

Since no one else seemed interested in taking care of their unconscious teammate, Sanada dragged him to a nearby couch. Marui looked worried, and so he followed Sanada, silently offering to help. Marui threw Jackal's jacket over him. Jackal's face was turning purple too, and Marui hoped that the Inui Juice's side effects wouldn't include Jackal turning into a zombie and eating him. Then, after a quick prayer, he went to join his teammates. Sanada stayed behind to keep an eye on Jackal, in case he _did _turn into a zombie and eat everybody, which would totally ruin their chances of becoming regulars on the tennis team in high school.

Marui made in just in time. His teammates were just starting on the next round.

"I dare . . ." Kirihara glanced at Marui. "I dare Marui-senpai to go through Yukimura buchou's sister's things."

"_No way!_" Marui cried. "That. Is. Never. Going. To. Happen."

"Actually, I'm sure Akane wouldn't mind," Yukimura said, half to himself.

"Who's Akane?" Akaya asked.

"Yukimura's sister. She has dark hair and light blue eyes. Haven't you seen her before?" Yanagi questioned.

"No, not really. Maybe there are some pictures of her in her bedroom."

"Yes, I suppose there would be some there. Maybe Marui will be able to find some."

"No," Marui pleaded. "I don't want to go through a girl's stuff!"

"She goes through my belongings all the time," Yukimura continued.

"Buchou," Marui begged. "Do you know what girls have? They have clothes, and perfume that chokes you, and diaries! Oh, I read my cousin's diary once and I almost died. Please, Yukimura . . ."

"And her room is so messy she wouldn't even notice," Yukimura added, chuckling.

"Are you even listening?" Marui snapped.

Apparently not. The group made their way up the stairs to Akane's room, and Marui was compelled by peer pressure to follow.

Yukimura turned the doorknob and opened the baby blue door. The strong scent of perfume choked the RikkaiDai tennis team, but they daren't complain. Yukimura stepped aside, and Marui entered cautiously.

"If I die," he hissed, "you're all going to pay."

"If you die, who's going to _make _us pay?" Niou asked smugly.

Marui wanted nothing more than to punch Niou's face and watch his teeth shatter into a billion little pieces, but it was far too late. He had entered the territory of doom.

Everybody took a tentative step inside. A phone rang. A male voice began to sing.

_Gotta change my answering machine, now that I'm alone_

_Because now it says that we can't come to the phone_

_And I know it makes no sense, 'cause you walked out the door_

_But it's the only way I hear your voice anymore_

"Agh!" Marui screamed and grabbed onto Niou, who shook him off. "W-what is it?" he whispered.

"It's a cell phone, genius."

"The singer is Ne-Yo. The song is 'So Sick'," Yanagi added calmly.

"You listen to pop?"

Yukimura answered the phone without hesitation. "Hello?"

"_Onee-chan!"_ a voice screeched.

"Yes, Akane?" Yukimura answered, as if answering his sister's cell phone and listening to her scream was a perfectly normal thing to do.

"_My editor is a freaking pain in the neck!" _Akane screamed, her normally soft voice now loud with anger.

"Good evening to you too."

"_There are so many goddamn mistakes on the paper I wrote. And guess what. They're not MY mistakes. They're my editor's. Did you know she corrected 'thou' and 'forsaken'? She said they weren't words, damn it! I mean, what the --! I'd like to punch the -- out of her --ing --!"_

"Don't swear," Yukimura scolded lightly. "I thought you were going to a sleepover with your friends."

"_One of my friends is my freaking editor, damn it!"_

"Akane, we're a bit busy right now. You don't mind if my friends look through your belongings, do you?"

"_Oh, sure. Just tell them not to mess with the perfume I bought," _she replied in a normal, sweet voice. _"Got to go, onee-chan. Mayumi-chan is going to paint my nails."_

"Isn't Mayumi your editor?"

"_Yeah. Thought you knew. Bye, one-chan! Have fun!"_

The line went dead.

" . . ."

Yukimura shrugged. "She has mood swings," he said casually. He stepped aside. "Have fun, Marui." He chuckled menacingly.

Marui shuddered. He got down on his knees and picked up an article of perfume sprayed clothing with his middle finger and thumb.

"That's Akane's Abercrombie shirt. Her friend bought it for her when she went to New York for vacation. She loves that shirt. Don't touch it."

Marui dropped it. His eyes searched the room and rested on a funny looking bottle with a blue-ish liquid in it. He stood up and reached for the silver cap.

"No!" Yukimura called. "That's her perfume! You'll choke!"

But it was too late. The perfume bottle was opened, and the scent flooded the room.

Marui gagged, just as Jackal did when he drank the Inui Juice. But this was much worse. He didn't even drink the perfume!

Yukimura ran over to him and grabbed the bottle of perfume, capping it before everyone in the room fell unconscious. He gently put the perfume back on the bedside table and opened a few windows. "Have you learned your lesson?" he asked.

"Yes," Marui chanted. "Never mess with perfume."

"Good." Yukimura nodded. "Proceed with the dare."

"Hey, what's that?" Niou suddenly asked, walking toward a pile of strange looking booklets.

Yagyuu's glasses glinted. "I don't think that's a good idea."

Akaya bounded over to the weird booklets and picked one up. "It's all pictures!"

"It's one of Akane's magazines," Yukimura explained. "She buys them monthly."

"This actually costs money? You're paying money for outfit ideas?" Niou asked in disbelief.

"Not me. Akane."

"Girls." Niou shook his head.

"There are quizzes in here!" Akaya cried, delighted.

"What?" The others clustered around their youngest member, staring at the magazine he was holding.

"There are quizzes," he repeated. "It says: Are You Supermodel Worthy?"

"Take it," Niou urged.

"But we –" Marui protested.

"Number one: If you could choose what to eat for a year, what would you pick? A) Chocolate chip cookies, candy, cake, and chocolates. B) Diet Coke and low fat yogurt. C) Why would I eat anything at all?" Akaya recited.

"A," Marui responded.

"Number two: What's your favorite pastime? A) Eating fro-yo, vanilla cupcakes, etc. B) Exercising to burn off the few carbs I have. C) Shopping on Fashion Street. I can lose weight by walking up and down the streets and buy awesome clothes."

"A," Marui repeated.

"Number three: If you could choose between gum and clothes, which would you choose? A) Gum. B) Clothes."

"A."

Akaya flipped to the results. "If you got mostly A's," he read, "then you are a sugar loving, carb hugging girl."

"_Girl?"_

"Shut up!" Akaya snapped. "I'm reading." He glanced back at the page. "You and sugar are soul mates, and you need to burn off some calories. If you can choose between yoga and six hours of exercising, choose six hours of exercising."

"I'm _fat?" _Marui wailed, burying his face in his hands.

"That is so awesome!" Akaya exclaimed, flipping through the magazines for more quizzes. Yanagi sighed, looking exasperated.

Marui cried chibi tears. "I'm _fat,_" he kept repeating miserably. "The magazine said so!"

Niou gave him a sympathetic look. "Think of it this way. At least we don't have to watch _The Notebook."_

* * *

Did you like it? I hope so! TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY, BY THE WAY! LET'S ALL CELEBRATE! YAY! Anyway. I know some of you are thinking, "Why does she keep repeating 'At least we don't have to watch _The Notebook,_"? Well, there's a method to my madness. Just stay with me for a while, m'kay? Today, I bought thirteen chocolate chip cookies – the big ones from McDonald's! I only ate four . . . Anyone want some? I'll send the cookies through airmail.


	6. The Danger Zone

Back, everyone! Have you all heard about the enormous earthquake in China? It's so sad! There are so many baby orphans out there, and I so want to adopt one. They're not available for adoption yet because China is busy trying to recover more survivors and repair the damage, but in a few months, they will be. Remember them, everyone! In the paper, this one mom died while crouching over her baby to protect the sleeping infant from the collapsing building. She texted, "Baby, live. Remember I love you," on her cell phone before her death. She died from a falling boulder, but the baby's still alive. It was sleeping the entire time, and now it has no parents. Isn't that sad? So many infants – and kids our age! – are orphans now, so I really want to adopt a sister. If you all can, maybe you guys could adopt too, if your parents agree. I know it's really extreme, but think of all you could do for a child like that! The adoption is free, and they can send the orphan you select to the country you live in! You can select an infant or a child your age, or maybe someone older. It doesn't matter, but I want to do all I can for them. Celebrities are donating millions of dollars to this cause, so do all you can to help! Ask your parents if you can adopt, just ask. It's convenient and free, and you'd be saving a life. So remember what I said when the children are finally available for adoption! And the people of China, both young and old: Our prayers are with you!

* * *

Marui was still sobbing in a corner when Niou spotted more magazines. They contained celebrity scandals, fashion suggestions, even make-up tips. "Isn't Akane-chan a bit young to be reading these?" Niou asked, flipping through one of them.

Yukimura shrugged. "I don't usually dig around her room. I only read the love letters her classmates give her."

Akaya bounced up. "Love letters? I want to read!"

"Yeah, where are they?" Niou asked curiously.

Yanagi sighed. "According to my calculations, they'd be buried somewhere in her closet."

Yukimura's eyes glinted, and he replied, "Indeed. They're in the lower right quadrant, hidden under a bag of marbles in the third to last shoebox."

Yagyuu sweat-dropped. "Yukimura, you . . ."

Akaya had already launched himself into the closet, only to come running back out, wailing.

"What's wrong?" Niou asked, looking confused. Marui wiped away his tears and laughed at Akaya. (That was just kind of random.)

"There's more perfume in there!" he sobbed, falling to his knees. Akaya pounded his fists on the carpet and continued to cry. He looked like he was choking. "I have a headache!" He grabbed the carpet and began kicking his legs.

"The carpet!" Yukimura exclaimed. "No, no! Akane will be so upset! It's French, I think."

Yanagi glanced at him, though you can't really tell, because his eyes are closed and all. "It appears to be Italian, actually. I think it was made sometime in the 1980s, in the eastern district."

Yukimura nodded seriously and listened, oblivious to the sobbing Akaya five inches away from him. "Really? My sister insisted it was French, but I doubted it because of the designs."

"Yes, the designs do say a lot. But the one thing you should look at is the texture. French carpets are a bit smoother, and are usually made of silken thread. Italian carpets are rougher, and often resemble animals. This carpet resembles a cheetah."

"How?" Yukimura asked in awe, looking at it.

"The designs are symbolic. There are paw prints on it – purposely sewed in black and orange ripples, much like a cheetah's fur – that match those of the Northwest Cheetah. The surrounding backgrounds all consist of the shades green, darker green, and emerald green, which resemble the habitat of said cheetah."

"I never noticed!"

"Hey, hey," Niou interrupted. "I'm sorry, but we've got way more important things to worry about."

"Akaya and his migraine?" Yukimura guessed.

"No, of course not! The love letters! What else?"

Yagyuu sweat-dropped again, and reached into his pocket to pull out a handkerchief. He handed it to the still sobbing Akaya. He wiped his eyes and tossed the handkerchief on the carpet.

"Right, the love letters. We already know where the letters are located. They are in a box in the closet somewhere. However, there are a lot of dangers. We are prone to injury and permanent scarring. We might even choke. Some of us won't make it. But with enough strategic planning, we should make it through the danger zone. We also know what to watch out for. There are many clothes in the closet, several of which are undergarments, so we are vulnerable to scarring. Also, Akane uses a lot of perfume, so we can't breathe when we're in enemy territory," Yukimura declared.

Yanagi nodded. "The enemy evidently has a lethal toxin in that closet, and to avoid sharing the same fate as Akaya," he said, glancing pitifully at the victim, "we must avoid breathing."

"How shall we do it?" Marui asked eagerly.

"The toxins do not appear to affect the eyes," Niou began, "so we should still be able to find our way around. But none of us can hold our breath for so long, so we must formulate a plan."

"Since when do you know what formulate means?" Marui asked.

Niou shrugged. "I heard some guy saying it when he was preparing for war."

" . . . So you don't know what it means?"

"Nope."

". . ."

"Anyway. Yukimura-buchou, please draw us a map of the closet."

And Yukimura proceeded to do so, magically pulling out a sheet of paper and a pencil. In a few seconds, a map was formed. "This," he said, pointing to a tiny box all the way in the left, "is where the shoeboxes are kept. The third to last shoebox is where the letters are kept. The box is light pink with neon pink sparkles on it. Hearts decorate the box, drawn in red Sharpie."

"That will scar our eyes," Niou exclaimed in horror.

"Yes," Marui replied gravely. "The pink is even lighter than my own hair! And the sparkles and hearts!" He looked up. "But we will not let this stop us!" he cried. "We are RikkaiDai!"

"Marui, that was just _so _corny and cliché."

"Shut up, Niou."

"Everyone, listen," Yanagi ordered. "Here's the plan. Niou and I will be the ones to take apart the obstacles, namely the clothes and purses and stuff. We'll separate them from your path so you can get to the destination more easily. We will also assess the situation. Then we will try to come back to you all with a full report, so you will know what to do and what to avoid." He suddenly stood up. "Wait, be right back."

Five minutes later, he was back.

"Where were you?" Niou demanded.

Yanagi pulled out six walkie-talkies. "So we can keep in touch," he explained. He handed one to Yukimura, Niou, Yagyuu, Marui, and kept one for himself. "Anyway, after we come back with the report, Yukimura and Marui will enter the danger zone. Marui should be able to resist the smell due to his gum, and Yukimura is Yukimura."

Yukimura smiled appreciatively. "I'm glad my talents don't go unnoticed."

"Right. Well, first we'll tell you the situation. We'll do our best to inform you of the obstacles and attacks to avoid. There also may be a few traps, such as hidden perfume. Yanagi and I will try to warn you," Niou said, sounding all smart. Oh, if only his chemistry teacher could see him now. Maybe then he wouldn't give him a failing mark for science. "Should you come across any unmentioned obstacles, you must contact us immediately, for we have no time to waste. Too much time spent in the danger zone can be lethal."

"Well said, Niou. Marui and I will try to get to the lower left quadrant as quickly as we can. Marui will be in charge of watching out for traps and the such. I will carry the box of letters, as we don't have enough time to remove the marbles and separate the letters from the box. Also, I have more stamina than Marui-kun, so I should be the one to carry the box. Marui will warn me of dangers ahead, as I won't be able to see where I am going when carrying the box," Yukimura continued. "Agreed?"

"Agreed!" they all chanted.

"And Yagyuu?" Marui prompted eagerly, popping a new piece of gum into his mouth. "What will you be doing?"

Yagyuu sighed, sounding exasperated. "I'll be tending to our suffocating patient."

Yanagi nodded. "Very well. We wish you and Akaya the best. May he survive." He raised a bottle of perfume. "To Akaya!"

Everyone else picked up the nearest object. Yukimura picked up the pencil, Niou took a rolled up magazine, Yagyuu took the handkerchief, and Marui pulled out a pack of gum. "To Akaya!" they all toasted.

Niou and Yanagi stood up. "We ought to be going," Yanagi said, sighing. Niou nodded seriously.

"We wish you luck," Yukimura answered.

"I get to have all your money if you end up dying, Niou!" Marui called after them.

And the two walked into the closet, possibly forever vanquished by the odor of Chanel perfume.

* * *

So basically, they're heading into a war zone. Heh . . . This was just totally random. So what'd you think? Oh, and I'm looking for a beta. I read over my stories and realize that some of them have typos, and it's very troublesome changing them. For me, anyway. I'm lazy. So I'm in bad need of a beta-reader. I hope you enjoyed this story! Please review! And don't forget what I said about those orphans! Pray for them, hope for them, because their lives have been crushed, and we're here eating chips and watching television. I wish them the best. Until next time, everyone!


	7. The Plan

Hey! I'm back! Let's all celebrate! Today I'm going for sushi with my friends . . . I've never tried sushi before! Can you believe it? Does it taste good? I heard it's good, but my one of my classmates said it sucked. I'm scared! I don't want to taste something that totally sucks! Anyway – do you guys still remember what I said about the homeless kids? You really don't have to adopt. Now that I think about it, the idea is super extreme. They are, however, in bad need of donations. Even ten or twenty dollars will do. Go online for more information. Anyway. Let's all watch the RikkaiDai regulars make idiots of themselves and laugh! Yay!

* * *

Marui's walkie talkie sounded, and everyone else crowded around him. "_Everyone? Are you there?" _a crackly voice asked anxiously. It sounded like Niou.

"We are," Marui replied eagerly. "What have you discovered?"

"_There are many obstacles," _Renji responded. "_We have discovered evidence of lip gloss and lipstick. There may also be eye shadow here somewhere. We are not sure. Further investigation will be required."_

"And the perfume?" Yukimura questioned. "What about the perfume? Are its odors truly toxic?"

"_We do not believe it to be so," _Niou answered, proud of himself for sounding so smart. "_But we are suffering from serious migraines. This may prove to be a problem."_

"He's awake!" Yagyuu suddenly cried. Everyone abandoned the walkie talkie and crawled over to Kirihara, whose eyelashes were fluttering.

"Where . . . am I?" he asked groggily, eyes still half-open.

"We are in the middle of war," Yukimura answered gravely.

Kirihara jumped up immediately and grinned, green eyes sparkling with excitement. "Oh, give me a gun! I am ready to fight on behalf of my country!" he declared solemnly.

"Actually, we're just trying to get the love letters that Akane hid in her closet," Marui explained. "So you'd be fighting for the love letters, your teammates, and your survival. But no big deal. If we work together as a team, we might make it."

"_As long as we don't watch 'The Notebook'!" _Niou added through the walkie talkie.

"We get it already! Shut up!" everyone shouted at the walkie talkie. Everyone except Yukimura, who was grinning maliciously.

"_Anyway. Now that Akaya is awake, we can rearrange our tasks. Kirihara has much more stamina than Marui, so he will replace Marui," Renji told the group._

"Then what will my job be?" Marui asked, sounding worried.

"_You are going to chart our movements."_

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"_Yeah, Renji. What the hell are you talking about?" _Niou added.

"_Based on what we tell you through the walkie talkie, you will trace our movements on the map Yukimura made for us, as you are one of the better artists of RikkaiDai. You will label the danger zones and the traps. You must also edit the drawing with greater detail. The map we have now is much too general," _Renji explained. _"Niou and I are currently in the upper left quadrant."_

"_Holy grasshopper, is that a two hundred year old pizza box?" _Niou interrupted.

"What?" everyone cried, including Renji. "What the _hell?"_

"_Seriously! There's an ancient looking pizza box here!"_

"No, that's not what we meant! We meant 'why the hell did you just say 'holy grasshopper'?" Akaya explained.

"_Oh."_

"_Marui, listen. In the lower right quadrant, there are two bright pink jewelry boxes."_

Marui pulled a pen out of thin air and labeled it on the map. "Got it, Renji."

"_Right next to that is a lavender blouse. It has been strewn on the floor carelessly, and has been sprayed with perfume. You must watch out for that. The odor is horrific."_

"Okay."

"_Moving on to the upper right quadrant, we have a few old diaries, along with some art supplies. They include paint, markers, colored pencils, more paint . . . And they have all been sprayed with perfume."_

"What is wrong with your sister?" Akaya asked.

Yukimura shrugged. "Aren't all girls like that?"

And for the next ten minutes, Niou and Renji explained the dangers of the closet, and Marui wrote them all down.

"Done!" he exclaimed, flipping his hair proudly. "And it's very beautiful, if I do say so myself."

Everyone crowded around him again, this time to look at his 'masterpiece'. It turned out to be a large box – courtesy of Yukimura – covered with blobs – credit given to Marui.

They stared.

And stared.

And blinked.

And breathed.

"It's beautiful, Marui-senpai!" Akaya finally exclaimed, wiping his joy-filled tears with his sleeve.

Everyone else nodded in agreement.

A sudden choking distracted them from their magnificent map. They all turned around to stare at a suffocating Niou and Renji, who were crawling towards them with their hands clutching at their necks.

"What happened?" Yagyuu asked in alarm, running over to them and helping them to the bed.

"Perfume," Niou coughed. "Perfume . . . death . . . smells like alcohol and flowers . . . Must not watch 'The Notebook'. . ." His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fainted.

Yagyuu examined his breathing carefully and told everyone else, "He'll be fine. Just a bad headache and overexertion."

They all sighed. "Well," Yukimura began. "We ought to be fetching the love letters now, right?"

"Yes, I suppose so," Yagyuu murmured.

Yukimura and Akaya stood, glancing forlornly at their fallen companions. "We'll be back," they both said in unison, using their best German accents. They walked into the closet.

It seemed okay at first. The walls of the closet were white, and it wasn't too dark. Had it been dark and the walls pink, it would've been a preppy haunted house, but for now, it seemed like a perfectly normal walk-in closet. The two boys navigated their way through the rows of clothes, occasionally tripping over a bottle of perfume or some make-up.

"So where are we?" Akaya suddenly asked.

Yukimura looked up in surprise. " . . . We left the map behind."

Both were silent for a few minutes. Then Akaya screamed, "No!" and dropped to his knees, dragging out the 'o' sound.

Twelve seconds later, Akaya stood back up. In his typical voice, he questioned, "So what now?"

Yukimura turned on his walkie talkie. "We've left the map behind," he said.

"_Yeah? That sucks," _Marui replied pitifully.

"So tell us where we are!"

"_Oh, and Niou woke up already," _Renji added.

" . . . That's great. Where am I?" Kirihara asked impatiently.

"_Hey, brat. What do you see?"_

Kirihara looked around. "Uh . . . a pizza box." He stared at it. "Damn, it looks old."

"_That would be the upper left quadrant."_

"Awesome."

"_Keep walking north, and eventually you'll reach the lower left quadrant. But watch out. The perfume stench is very strong there. That's what killed me."_

"Okay." Akaya marched ahead without a second thought, and Yukimura followed.

The scent of alcohol and flowers reached their nostrils.

Akaya twitched. "What's that?"

" . . . The perfume," Yukimura answered gravely, walking ahead.

And there it was. The shoeboxes, stacked in the corner. The bright pink one was especially salient, but Yukimura was rapidly developing a headache from the perfume. "We have to hurry," he breathed. "I'll go get the box. You have to try and find our way back while I'm carrying the box."

Akaya nodded.

"We'll survive," Yukimura added solemnly. "We have to."

Suddenly, Niou added, "_If you die, does that mean we won't have to watch 'The Notebook'?"_

* * *

So, what'd you think? I'm sorry if this one wasn't as humorous as the previous chapters. And I'm also sorry for typos and/or grammatical errors. I really am. Please review! I want to get around thirty-five reviews before I update again. So if you are a diligent reader of my fanfiction and have never reviewed, please review now! Or if you always review, review again! Thank you very much for reading! Oh, and thank you, EvCaCeLy, for reviewing! And thanks for sticking with the story!


	8. Bedtime Routines

Welcome back, everyone. I really don't have much to say... am kind of sleepy. But I promised to update weekly, so here I am. Thirty reviews. Not that bad. I think I might end this around chapter nine or ten, because they still have to brush their teeth and all that. Just to warn you, though: This chapter contains mention of female undergarments and the such. You have been warned. So, without further ado... (Sorry: this was changed a little bit - you probably won't even notice - because there were some typos.)

* * *

"They're back!" Niou exclaimed. His face was horridly pale, still suffering from the effects of the perfume, but he'd survive. In a tiny whisper, he added, "_Damn!"_

Yukimura smiled and set down the box. "We've retrieved it," he said with an exhausted sigh.

Yagyuu seemed somewhat hesitant. "I don't think this is right," he protested firmly. "We are intruding someone's personal property."

"Screw the property!" Kirihara cried. "I didn't choke myself for nothing." He tore open the lid of the box and looked inside. His lively green eyes widened, and he passed out.

"Oh, great," a new voice said. "What happened?"

Everyone whipped their heads around to stare at the newcomer. It was Sanada and Jackal. "Welcome back!" they all cheered.

Sanada shook his head and sat in a fuzzy pink chair, reading his book. Jackal crouched beside Kirihara. "What happened?" he repeated.

"He died," Marui answered cheerily.

"He didn't die," Yanagi told him. "He simply fainted from shock."

"Why was he so shocked?" Marui snorted.

"Because he retrieved the wrong box," Yukimura explained. "Look." He held up the bright pink shoebox for everyone to see. Inside were pink lace undergarments.

"My eyes!" Marui exclaimed.

"AWESOME!" Niou cheered, dangling a bra in the air. "Isn't this totally amazing?" He examined it with fascination.

Sanada did not tear his eyes away from his book, but he sweat-dropped.

Yukimura snatched the bra away from him and stuffed it back in the box. "No touching! This belongs to Akane."

"But it's a water bra!" Niou whined.

Jackal frowned. "How old is Akane, again?"

"Still in grade school," Yukimura answered.

"She's a bit . . ."

"She's what?" Yukimura's eyes glinted maliciously.

"Nothing!" Marui peeped, hiding behind Jackal.

"Well, I'm not going to be the one to put that thing back in there," Niou mumbled. "I almost died in that closet."

"Why does your sister have a walk-in closet, anyway?" Yagyuu asked.

"That room used to be our exercise room. But Akane had too many clothes."

Yanagi checked his watch. "It's almost nine PM. Shouldn't we be preparing to go to sleep, now?"

"That sucks," Marui answered.

"Let's start by brushing our teeth, then. Then we'll shower." Yukimura suggested. "Who's going first?"

No one raised their hands.

"I will, then," Yagyuu replied after a long pause, "since no one else is willing to."

So he brushed his teeth like a good boy.

"I'll go next!" Niou proclaimed, running to the restroom. The rest of RikkaiDai watched silently. There was the sound of water running, then the sound of glass breaking. Everyone flinched. Then they heard a scream.

Everyone jumped up and ran to the restroom to see what was going on. There was glass on the floor. The mirror had been shattered.

"What happened?" Yukimura gasped.

"I accidentally hurled my toothbrush at the mirror and it broke. And then . . ." Niou pouted. "And then water got on my hand!"

" . . . That's it?" Everyone shook their heads and went back to Akane's bedroom.

Then they heard water running. Evidently, Niou was showering. They heard more screams. "_Water is on my back!" _he screeched.

Niou came out a few moments, dressed in his pajamas, like Yagyuu was. While Yagyuu's somewhat resembled a suit, Niou's was dark red, with pictures of bombs and knives. "Who's next?" he asked cheerfully.

The process followed, and the RikkaiDai regulars learned many things. Just like Niou was afraid of water, Marui was afraid of his reflection (which was distorted thanks to the shattered mirror), Jackal listened to his iPod in the shower, Kirihara knew how to brush his teeth while unconscious, Yanagi liked to calculate in the shower, and Sanada liked to brush his teeth with scorching hot water.

"Now that that's over with, we ought to be going to sleep, right?" Jackal asked, almost fearfully.

"What about our midnight snacks?" Marui demanded.

"What snacks?"

"You mean you've never had a midnight snack before?" Marui's eyes were huge. "I feel so bad for you guys."

"Fine, fine; we'll have a midnight snack." Yukimura stood up and went downstairs into the kitchen. He walked back upstairs to his sister's room carrying an Easter basket and dropped the basket on the carpet.

Everyone crowded around the pink, blue, and lavender basket and peered inside. It contained Oreos, hard candy, deviled eggs, and crème brulee. "I made the deviled eggs and the crème brulee myself," he said proudly.

Sanada took a small glass bowl of crème brulee and tried it. He nodded, signaling it tastes good. Everyone immediately mobbed the Easter basket, and within seconds, it was empty. Yukimura had taken an Oreo for himself.

"This is so good," Marui cried, sighing blissfully.

"But now my mouth feels dry," Niou complained.

"I'll get some water," Yukimura offered, running downstairs again. When he walked back up, he held eight glasses of bubbling turquoise juice. "It's Inui's Super Refreshing Deluxe Midnight Snack Drink."

Kirihara immediately woke up, staring at the glasses in fear.

Everyone gave Yanagi a glare, who shrugged helplessly.

"Doesn't anyone want to try it?"

They shook their heads fervently.

Yukimura frowned. "Alright, but you'll regret it. Oh, that reminds me. Shouldn't we watch a movie before going to sleep?"

Everyone except Niou nodded.

_Oh, no. 'The Notebook'. . . I must warn the others of our captain's evil intentions!_

"Uh, Yukimura? Maybe we should . . . um . . . have a karaoke contest instead?"

"Karaoke? I guess that'd be okay. But I don't have any CDs."

"I have an iPod," Jackal told them shamelessly.

"Alright, then. Singing contest it is. Who's going first?"

"Me! ME!" Kirihara cried earnestly, waving his hand wildly in the air.

"Which song?" Jackal asked, showing Kirihara his iPod.

"That one!" Kirihara pointed.

Jackal arched an eyebrow, but did not protest. "Okay, then. Here goes . . ."

Marui peered over Jackal's shoulder to see which song Kirihara had selected. "Whoa. Why do you have _that _on your iPod?"

Niou frowned. This wasn't going to turn out pretty, but at least it wasn't 'The Notebook'.

* * *

Which song did Kirihara pick? I have no clue. I'll decide before next week. They have some really weird bedtime routines, don't they? Heh . . . Anyway, this story will be ending within the next one or two chapters. It really depends on how long I decide to make the whole karaoke thing. Anyway, worship the Inui Juice. See you next week!


	9. Karaoke

I decided to use the suggested songs in the reviews from chapter eight. I thought they were nice ideas, and I was laughing when I read the suggestions. I hope you laugh too. Enjoy! Anyway, I'm actually not sure how many chapters are left. It makes sense to end it at chapter ten, which is basically the next chapter. But I also want to end it at chapter fifteen or twenty, though I'm not sure how I'll pull that off. It depends.

**Disclaimer: **Prince of Tennis does not belong to me. Neither do 'Crank Dat' or 'Barbie ™ Girl'. They belong to Soulja Boy and whoever owns Barbie ™. I do own my plotline. I wish I owned Inui Juice. Then I could totally rule the world.

* * *

"What song did he choose?" Yagyuu asked.

Jackal shook his head. "You'll see. Though I can't imagine why he chose it . . ." He sighed, and played the song on his iPod aloud.

The music began to blare.

"_I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world . . ."_

"Whoa!" Niou laughed hysterically, and in a few seconds he was rolling on the floor, pounding on the carpet.

"The carpet!" Yukimura cried ruefully.

"_Life in plastic . . . it's fantastic . . ." _Kirihara sang, tossing his head and flailing his arms the way a pop singer might.

"Why the hell is he singing this?" Marui asked. He turned to his doubles partner. "And why do you have this on your iPod?"

Jackal frowned. "You know something? I have no idea."

"_You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere . . ."_

"'Undress me everywhere?'" Niou repeated, looking up. "Who knew Barbie was so –"

"I know what you're about to say, and it's best you don't say it," Yagyuu interrupted, trying to keep a straight face.

"_Imagination! Life is your creation!" _

"You've got problems!" Marui shouted.

"_I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world . . _."

Marui smacked his forehead.

"_Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie . . ." _Kirihara sang shamelessly.

"We'd be the joke of Kanagawa should anyone see this," Jackal noted casually.

Yanagi nodded. "I predicted that forty-nine seconds ago."

"_You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain . . ."_

"Please stop!" Marui begged.

"_Kiss me h –" _

"I think it'd be best if you stop here," Yukimura interrupted with a smile. "The following lyrics are not very . . . appropriate."

Kirihara sighed dejectedly and sat back down. "I don't know why you guys all hate Barbie ™," he complained. "She's cool, a good singer, pretty, smart, athletic –

"And her name is _Barbie," _Marui interrupted. "Let's just end it there."

Niou cracked up again. Sanada just read his book, ignoring the pandemonium directly in front of him.

Jackal ended the song, and the air was filled with a peaceful silence, though 'Barbie Girl' still rang in the regulars' ears.

"It's my turn," Niou declared. "Jackal, show me your iPod."

Jackal handed the little blue square to Niou, who examined it carefully. "This one."

"It's certainly . . . _manlier," _Jackal agreed.

"Ooh, ooh, which one?" Marui inquired, rushing over. Then he stopped. Hesitating, he added, "It's not another Barbie song, is it?"

"I think there's only one Barbie song," Yukimura commented, glancing over Jackal's shoulder to look at the song. He nodded his approval. "Sure. But skip over the swears."

"'Course." Niou waved his hand dismissively. "Play it."

"_Yoooooouuuuuuu!"_

Marui's eyes widened as he realized what song this was. "Why are we singing American songs?"

"Because I don't have any Japanese songs on my iPod," Jackal explained.

"Why not?"

"Shut up and let me sing!" Niou whined.

"Fine, fine. Hurry up and sing." Marui rolled his eyes. "Attention hogger!"

Ignoring him, Niou continued: "_Soulja boy off in this oh – watch me crank it, watch me roll. Then Superman that oh!"_

Kirihara pouted. "I don't get it! What's he saying?"

"You suck at English, and yet you are perfectly capable of singing 'Barbie Girl'."

"Shut up, Marui-senpai!"

"_Now watch me you, crank that Soulja Boy. Now watch me you, crank that Soulja Boy._"

"It's too loud!" Kirihara complained.

Niou paused. "Brat. SHUT UP ALREADY!"

Kirihara's eyes grew large, and he began to cry. "_Niou-senpai is being mean to me!" _Then he stopped crying and his eyes turned red. "I WILL DEFEAT THE THREE DEMONS!"

Marui gave him a look. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Kirihara's eyes de-reddened. "Hmm, I don't know," he realized.

Niou banged his head on the wall. "_Ouch . . ."_

"Niou, are you alright?" Yanagi asked, worried. Sanada looked up.

"The wall!" Yukimura wailed. "The wall is dirty!"

Sanada sweat-dropped and stood up to help Niou to the couch. Niou groaned and rubbed his forehead.

"Does anyone else want to sing?"

No one said yes.

"Well then, Kirihara wins by default," Yukimura proclaimed.

Kirihara jumped up and cheered. "_Worship the Barbie doll!"_

Sanada sighed, exasperated, and went back to his book.

"We ought to be going to sleep now, right?"

The team seemed surprised by Niou's declaration. After all, Niou was always the one who wanted to stay up. Why would he want to go to sleep early?

Because he didn't want to watch 'The Notebook', that's why.

"Sure," Yukimura replied with a smile. Jackal turned off his iPod and walked upstairs to Yukimura's room, which was very big. Niou followed, staggering.

They all set up their sleeping bags and crawled in. Yukimura stood up to turn off the lights. _Yes! I don't have to watch 'The Notebook'! _

Yukimura hesitated. "Before we sleep, though, I think we should have one more little activity," he said with a wicked smile.

Niou shivered. _Please, not 'The Notebook' . . ._

* * *

Well? Hope you liked it! If you want me to continue this to chapter fifteen or more, please tell me in a review. I'm sure I'll be able to manage some extra chapters. Ideas usually come easily. If you want to end it at chapter ten, tell me so. Once I end this story, I'll start a new one. With chapters, of course. Happy reading!


	10. Suggestions

Bienvenido, everyone! Gracias for all the wonderful reviews! Lo siento for the misunderstanding. See, I was going to add this chapter on Thursday, but then I realized I needed to add something to it, and so I deleted it. Really sorry! Hey, does anyone here know how to use a tilde and/or accent mark on Microsoft? A lot of words require an accent mark, but I don't know how to type the tildes and accent marks. Oh, and I'm looking for a beta. Still. Yeah. I can edit others' stories, but I don't like editing my own. So . . . anyone interested?

* * *

There was something in Yukimura's smile that made them all stop. Stop talking, stop grinning, stop _breathing. _What was it, exactly? The sweetness? The gentleness? The softness?

Or perhaps it was because the smile was utterly intimidating?

Yes, that was it!

"W-what activity?" Marui asked, trembling.

"Oh, it will be _fun._" The emphasis Yukimura put on 'fun' made them all shiver. They knew better than to argue with their captain when he was in such a mood. "I'll be right back." And so he left the bedroom.

"It's 'The Notebook', I tell you!" Niou cried the moment Yukimura left the room. "We're going to be forced to watch the damned movie and die."

"'The Notebook' is actually a very good movie," Yagyuu contradicted. "It is about timely love, renewed again. My cousin has watched it many times, and I found it romantic."

"_Exactly!" _Niou exclaimed. "The movie is evil. It's all romantic and everything and it makes you want to puke."

"It does not. It was a decent movie. Better than those murder shows you enjoy watching."

"You . . ." Niou stopped, a look of horror and pity crossing his face. "Oh, Hiroshi. They've gotten you, too."

Yagyuu shook his head disbelievingly. "Really, Niou. It was an excellent film. Have you ever watched it?"

"Yeah! My sister watches it. A lot. And it totally sucks for me, because when I was little, they would watch the movie while braiding my hair."

Akaya burst into laughter, and Marui joined in.

"Shut up, brat! You too, strawberry."

"_What did you call me?" _Marui snarled.

"But did you ever watch the entire movie, Niou-kun?"

"No," he admitted. "Only some parts. But I knew right away it would be a load of –"

"No cursing! We have youngsters here." Jackal glanced at Akaya, who scowled.

"I'm only a year younger than you guys, you know," he reminded them.

"Yeah, yeah. Three hundred and sixty five days. Whatever." Marui waved his hand dismissively.

Yanagi frowned. "There is the possibility of it being three hundred and sixty six days."

Sanada stared at his book, refusing to meet the eyes of his teammates.

"Back!" Yukimura's voice stopped them all again. He was holding something behind his back and smiling happily. "Let's play!"

"Play what?" Akaya asked warily.

"Cards!" He held out a deck of cards. "See?"

Everyone breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"So what game are we playing?"

"Well, Jackal, I thought maybe we could play . . . Uh . . ." Yukimura hesitated. "I don't know."

"Can we play for money?" Niou asked eagerly.

"How are we going to play for money if we don't even know what to play?"

"Shut up, Marui."

"You shut up!"

"No, you!"

"No, you!"

"Cierras la boca!" Niou snapped.

"You know Spanish?" Akaya asked in awe.

Niou grinned a grin that said: 'Yeah, you bet I do. Aren't I awesome? Worship me.'

Suddenly, a phone rang.

"Oh, it's me." Niou pulled out his cell phone and answered it. "Hello?" There was a pause. Then he froze. "I . . . it was a dare! It was all Yukimura-buchou!"

Yukimura sent him a deathly smile.

"I – I mean, it was . . . uh . . . Marui's fault! Yeah, he told me to do it! I –" Another pause. "Yeah, okay. Sorry about that." He ended the call, stuffing the cell phone back into his pocket and frowning.

"Who was it?"

"Tezuka of Seigaku. He received my e-mail," Niou explained ruefully.

Kirihara began to laugh again. "You suck!"

"Shut up! Did you even complete a dare yet?"

"I think so . . . I can't remember. No, wait. I didn't."

"That's not fair!" Niou gave his captain a pleading look. "Please, can I dare Kirihara to do something?"

"Yeah, go ahead," Yukimura replied with a sigh. He tossed the deck of cards backwards. "Guess we won't be needing these, then . . ."

The cards hit Sanada on the head. ". . ."

_Just _as he was about to scream, "TARUNDORU!" Niou jumped up and declared, "I dare you to cross-dress and wear Akane-chan's clothes!"

There was a moment of silence. Then Marui smiled. "Yeah, why not? I think you'd pass for a beautiful girl, Akaya."

Kirihara frowned, unsure if that was a compliment or an insult.

"Yes, I think you'd look gorgeous in Akane's pink dress," Yukimura agreed.

"Oh, indeed." Niou chuckled to himself.

"Fine," Kirihara grumbled. He trudged out of Yukimura's bedroom and into Akane's, still in his pajamas.

"Wait!" Marui called. He was smiling. "Let us help."

"What? No!" Akaya looked horrified. "Hell no! I'd die!"

"Exactly, brat," Niou told him easily. "Besides, it'll take up more time."

"Why do you want to take up –"

"Shut up," Niou hissed. "Don't let your buchou hear you . . ."

Akaya grunted. "Fine. But I'm not going to sacrifice my own well-being for your selfish deeds."

"Since when do you talk like a thirty-year old?" Marui asked, ushering him to the closet. The rest of the regulars followed.

"So what are you going to make me wear?" he asked miserably. But, of course, the regulars paid no attention to him.

"A pink dress would be nice," Marui noted. "But I think a red dress would bring out his eyes."

"I think he should wear a tank top and short shorts," Niou argued. "We definitely can't make him wear a miniskirt, but –"

"No!" Akaya whined. "You can't do this to me!"

"Marui, Niou," Jackal began, "maybe you shouldn't do this. He –"

"You can do his hair," Marui offered. Niou murmured agreement.

"Okay." Jackal bit back any protests he had.

"And what about me?" Yukimura demanded.

"You can . . . uh . . . oh! You can put on his make-up!"

"Fair enough," he agreed with a smile, and began digging through his sister's make-up kits.

Marui and Niou dove into the dreaded closet to search for some dresses, shorts and tank tops. Jackal looked around for some combs and hair ties. Sanada stayed in Yukimura's room, reading his book like a normal human being. Yagyuu joined him, finding a magazine about tennis on the floor of Yukimura's room. Yanagi simply sat on Akane's bed and watched Marui, Niou, Jackal, and Yukimura prepare to torture Akaya. They might need some help, and this was a wonderful way to gather data. (Inui had suggested it.)

Oh, yes. This was going to be interesting.

* * *

I love Akaya, and I feel so bad for torturing him. He is such a sweet guy, and here he is, waiting for his execution. He's one of my favorite characters, along with the rest of RikkaiDai. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed. Adios! Hasta luego!


	11. Makeover

Hello, and welcome back! I was really looking forward to writing this chapter today. A fashion lover myself, I was very excited at the thought of giving our adorable little Akaya-kun a makeover. Not that he isn't j'adorable the way he is. _J'adorable_ – new word invented by Feyren, meaning adorable. (J'adore means 'I adore' in French.) Enjoy!

* * *

Niou and Marui were still inside the closet, and the rest of the regulars were waiting patiently outside. All except for Akaya. He alone stood outside the room, watching anxiously and biting his fingernails. He was not looking forward to his impending doom. He just wished his seniors would hurry up and get it over with.

Finally, Marui strolled out of the closet, holding an armful of dark clothes. Niou did the same, except he also held a pair of shoes.

"Who's going first?" Niou asked evilly, the bundle of clothes in his and Marui's arms. "We've got to take turns tormenting him, you know. Sharing is caring."

"Well, my sister usually changes into her clothes first. Then comes the hair, and then comes the makeup. It takes her hours," Yukimura contemplated.

"Great!" Marui said enthusiastically. "Niou and I will go first. Akaya, go into the closet. We already decided what you're going to wear." Niou shoved a pair of shoes in Akaya's face, and Marui pushed a heap of clothing towards him.

"But Marui-senpai, Niou-senpai –" Akaya protested.

"GO!" they commanded, and Akaya sulkily entered the closet.

The group of teenagers heard some choking sounds, then a bewildered cry. Twenty minutes later, Akaya walked out in his new ensemble.

The team stared.

He wore ankle laced, leather kitten heels in leather black. The heels must have been at least an inch long. Akaya was finding it hard to balance, and wobbled around, trying to learn how to walk properly. On his head was a little Versace hat, pure black with some silver flower prints. Dressed in a silver mini-dress and a small, cropped black blazer, he was quite the looker.

The team stared some more.

Niou was the first to crack. His laughter came in gasps, ringing throughout the room. "Oh, God," he breathed, cackling hysterically. "You . . . look . . . so . . . pretty, Akaya-chan!"

Marui followed. "Oh, yes, Akaya-chan. Or should we call you Ayaka-chan?"

Yukimura stifled his chuckles, as did Jackal.

Sanada and Yagyuu could both hear the laughter from Yukimura's room, but did not dare enter Akane's room for fear of permanent scarring.

"My turn!" Jackal called out happily. "No looking."

The team scattered into various rooms.

"Jackal-senpai?" Akaya squeaked tentatively. "Please don't shave all my hair off."

"I won't," he assured. "I'm just going to give you some highlights to go with your pretty little hat. And maybe some extensions." Jackal pulled out a handful of fake hair.

Akaya gaped. Number one, how the hell did his senpai get that? And number two, that hair looked . . . wrong.

"MUAHAHAHA don't worry, Akaya. This will be a fun and enjoyable experience."

A series of whirring and clipping followed. Akaya was seriously beginning to regret attending this. He could only imagine what Niou would say to him.

"_At least it's better than watching The Notebook," _he'd tell the youngest regular. And Akaya would stick his tongue out.

"_No, it isn't!" _he'd object furiously.

Akaya buried his face into his hands and sobbed softly, knowing there was no way out. He was in a place much worse than hell: RikkaiDai's sleepover.

Soon, Jackal finished. Akaya himself had no idea what he looked like, or what he'd say to his mother when he finally got home. He reached for a mirror, but Jackal promptly swatted his hand away. "No looking," he scolded. "Not until the others see."

Hesitantly, he shouted, "Senpai-tachi! Jackal's done. You can look now. _At your own risk," _he added in a small, menacing whisper.

The regulars all gathered once more in Akane's room. They fixed their eyes on Akaya and burst into laughter.

"Keep the hat off," Marui told him. "You look more feminine that way."

Akaya's curly, dark hair had been accented with silver highlights. His hair was extended as well; the black locks were much longer, framing his face and reaching his shoulders. He had been given side bangs. They covered one side of his forehead and made him look very preppy and Goth. Jackal was proud.

Akaya began to wail, and collapsed on the floor. His tears dropped down one by one, like watery, crystalline pearls.

"Oh, no," Yukimura said softly, kneeling down next to him. "The carpet is damp now." Akaya glared at him and trudged into the hallway.

Yanagi took some data.

"So, am I next?" Yukimura asked.

The rest nodded eagerly.

"Make him look pretty!" Niou prompted. Jackal stayed silent.

"Okay!" he chirped. "And then, we can all go to some bar and watch drunken, twenty-one-year-old men flirt with Akaya and mistake him for a girl and –"

"You're all so mean!" Akaya cried, standing up and dropping to his knees again for the sake of the dramatic flourish, his curly dark locks bouncing and covering his face.

"Oh, Akaya, dear," Yukimura told him sweetly. "You look like such a sweet girl. A beautiful one. Why not test your talents and visit a local bar? A nice, big one. I know this really fancy, first class bar. It's larger than my house. Shrouded with shadows, the only light in it are the elegant torches that rest in their holders. Party-goers mingle and talk. You are guaranteed a fantastic –"

"Mura-buchou, you sound like an advertisement."

"Thank you!" Yukimura exclaimed, putting his hand to his heart.

"Start already!" Niou snapped impatiently. "I want to send Akaya to that bar. I know a few girls who go to that bar daily. This one girl is from America. She's named Alyssa and she used to live in New York. She goes every day from seven to midnight with her sister Alessandra, and they –"

"You go to that bar?" Yukimura asked, surprised. "I never would've thought . . . our own Niou Masaharu, attending a bar."

"I, uh . . . I . . ."

"Maybe you ought to start applying the makeup," Renji suggested.

Yukimura nodded. "You're right. Akaya, keep the hat off."

Akaya took off the hat reluctantly. He'd been hoping to pile all his hair on his head and hide it in the hat. Then again, he was wearing a mini-dress, so what was the use? Akaya sighed miserably and followed Yukimura into Akane's room.

"What are you going to do?" Akaya asked in a tiny voice.

"A lot of things, Akaya." Yukimura smiled reassuringly. "For one, we're going to apply some blush."

"How do you apply blush? When you blush, you blush."

"No, no. Blush is a term females use to describe a certain toxic powder that they smother on their faces," Yukimura explained. "It is usually pink. We will also apply some bronzer to highlight your cheekbones and darken your skin tone, as you have somewhat pale skin."

"Bronzer? Is that a type of cancer?"

"No, it is not. Bronzer is another type of toxic powder. It is also applied – usually – to the face. It is the color of copper."

"Oh."

Yukimura caked some bronzer and blush onto Akaya's face. "Next, we'll use eye shadow."

"Eyes have shadows?" Akaya inquired wonderingly.

"They do not. Eye shadow is also toxic powder. Its colors vary, and it is applied to the eyelids. We'll use . . . smoky gray eye shadow on you, because you have green eyes, and smoky gray looks nice with green eyes."

Yukimura took a thing that looked like a cotton swab and smeared some poisonous gray powder on Akaya's eyes. "Okay, that looks nice. It really highlights your eyes. Now, we'll use some black eyeliner and mascara . . ."

Akaya was growing scared. "Are those toxic powders too?"

"No, eyeliner is like a colored pencil. It traces the eyelids to sharpen the irises. In this case, black eyeliner would be best because your eyes are a light shade of green. We want them to look as striking as possible. Mascara is to darken your eyelashes. We want them to look dark and full, because sultry eyelashes are just awesome." He took the pencil and traced the eyelids. Then he took the mascara wand and brushed Akaya's eyelashes.

Akaya blinked a little. His eyes felt heavy.

"Now we'll use the eyebrow tracer."

"What the hell is that?"

"The eyebrow tracer darkens your eyebrows. Your eyebrows are considerably thin, which is a good quality in a girl. They are, however, very light, so we will use black eyebrow tracer to darken them and make them look sharper."

And so he did. Akaya felt like a coloring book.

"Last but not least, lip gloss!" Yukimura held out a little tube of pink looking goo. He pulled out the wand, dipped it in the sparkly goo, and showed it to the younger boy, who recoiled in horror.

"What is that? Pink mud?" he cried, covering his mouth.

"It's lip stain," Yukimura said innocently. "And it's not toxic! In fact, my sister likes to eat her lip gloss."

"What if I swallow it?" Akaya asked, staring at the wand with unmasked terror.

"You won't. And it's edible. Now, come on. First, I'm going to apply the pink layer, for your lips are very pale and utterly invisible."

Akaya pouted at the insult.

"There!" Yukimura admired it. "Now we will use lip gloss." He pulled out a tube of clear goo. "This is to gloss up the lips and make them look shiny and reflective."

"I don't like mud," Akaya whined quietly.

"It'll look good!" he insisted, smothering Akaya's sparkly pink lips with clear gloss. He repeated this process until Akaya's lips looked like they have been covered with saran wrap.

"And last but not least . . ." Yukimura dug around until he found another little make-up kit. He took a cotton ball, dipped it in some powder, and dabbed Akaya's nose with it. "There! Just to give you some color. You look gorgeous!" He grinned and handed Akaya a compact mirror. Akaya stared at it for a few seconds, his mouth open.

Then he screamed. Loudly.

The rest of the team gathered and stared at him again.

"Damn, brat," Niou mused. "You look hot."

Akaya found that comment very disturbing.

Yagyuu and Sanada had gathered too. Sanada stared at Akaya, as though he could not believe that the person standing before him was actually his teammate. Yagyuu just stared. Perhaps he had fainted while standing up again.

Akaya really looked like a girl. With the hair and the clothes in addition to the make-up, he actually looked like a typical, teenage girl. Yukimura's make-up had made his eyes look bigger, his lips look fuller, and his complexion tanned. He had blush on, and aside from his very flat chest, he looked like a total, feminine girl. Not even a tomboy. A girly-girl. Which was pretty freaky.

Niou tried to control his laughter. Maui didn't bother. "Please, let us take him to the bar!" Marui pleaded.

"Well . . ." Yukimura thought carefully, stroking his chin and looking up at the ceiling.

* * *

Yes or no? Do you want Akaya to go to a bar? I'm not going to put up a poll. Tell me in your reviews, or private message me. Do enjoy! (And I deeply apologize for any typos in this story. I'm afraid I'm in a rush today, and so I do not have much time to read this over.


	12. And So It Begins

I just found out something. My boy friend likes my best friend and my best friend knows he likes her. And also, my crush might really like me, and I need my boy friend to play matchmaker for me. I really wanted to talk to him over the summer, but he's on vacation. (I found that out the hard way by staying on AIM for twenty four hours straight.) Someone help me! What are some clues? How do you know when a guy likes you? I mean, he sometimes tries to start a conversation with me in a homeroom, but I'm shy, so I didn't talk much. I guess I sort of ignored him. It's the end of the school year, and he's been making fun of me a lot, teasing me and stuff. My friend told me it's because he wants to get my attention. Anyway, this year we're going to be in different homerooms, and he's probably not going to be in any of my classes. I'm so sad! I have his AIM, but he barely signs on.

Yeah, I know that had nothing to do with the story. Sorry about that.

Anyway, Akaya's going to the bar! Great! There will be two OCs in this story; Akaya's uncle and supposed girlfriend. Not that she even makes an appearance, but she will be mentioned. And so it begins . . .

* * *

"You've got to let him go to the bar. It's . . . uh . . . required by law! Yeah, that's it! All thirteen-year-olds must visit the bar at least once!"

"But as a girl?" Yukimura inquired hesitantly. "Really, Niou. Don't you think he'd get in quite a bit of trouble?"

"Oh, please! We'd look after him! We would, and we will. We really care about him, Mura-buchou." Marui gave his captain a pleading look.

"Well . . ."

"Please!"

"Okay, fine. But if he gets in trouble, you two are to look after him!"

"Why only us?"

"Because Sanada, Jackal, Yagyuu, and Yanagi would never be caught dead in a bar."

"And you?"

"I'll come along," Yukimura replied happily. "But first we have to change out of our pajamas."

And so they changed.

Yukimura was the first to walk back out, in a navy blue dress.

Wait, a dress? No one dared to ask.

Niou wore a T-shirt and jeans, while Marui simply wore his tennis clothes. Akaya was forced to wear his cute little mini dress and makeup.

"Akaya's a little . . . flat, though, don't you think?" Niou suddenly said.

There was total silence. Finally, Yukimura murmured agreement. Jackal slapped his forehead, Yagyuu shook his head upon hearing them from Yukimura's room, and Sanada stayed silent. Yanagi chuckled and joined the Boring Crew. They'd have some fun while Niou and the rest were out of the house. (But that's another story.)

"You're right."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Akaya asked meekly.

"We're going to give you a bra and make you stuff it with toilet paper!" he declared cheerily.

Damn.

And so he did.

Marui and Niou silently cheered. "Let's go!" Marui averred, punching a fist in the air and throwing open the door.

Wait. The door is locked. Oh, well. I guess Marui tried to throw open the door and broke his arm.

"Ouch!" he yelped, jumping back and blowing on his injury. Niou cracked up.

Yukimura unlocked the door. "I just remembered I had a spare key," he explained, opening the door.

Why didn't he think of this sooner? Because he's Yukimura, that's why.

They marched out in the dark, Akaya's mouth glued shut for fear of swallowing the toxic pink mud, even though Yukimura had said it was edible. _Why me? Why, God, why do you hate me so much? Why must you torture me and – _

Loud, pumping music arose, and Akaya shrunk a little. He saw a large, tinted glass dome, with flame torches at the sides and a red carpet out on the sidewalk. "Dreanda?" Akaya asked in confusion. "What the hell is Dreanda?"

"It's the name of a very famous bar," Niou explained, looking at the bar in delight. "They only allow the best looking people in there."

Yukimura approached the guard confidently. "Hey."

The guard examined him, looking him up and down. "Welcome to the Dreanda Bar. You may enter," he finally grumbled, stepping aside to let Yukimura through. "You with anyone, Miss?"

Niou whistled. Marui laughed into his hands, and Akaya backed away.

Yukimura didn't seem to mind being called a female at all, for he easily replied, "I'm with two boys and a girl."

Marui and Niou stepped up. The guard whistled. "Fine. Go in. Where's the girl?"

Poor little Akaya walked over to him, trembling all over. He looked up tentatively. "Hi," he squeaked.

"What's your name?"

"Uh . . ."

"Ayaka," Yukimura quickly said. "Ayaka . . . Hitomi."

Akaya was about to protest, but was cut short when Niou suddenly slung an arm around him and drawled, "She's with me."

Akaya gave his senior a death glare.

"Don't give me that look, brat. I'm doing you a freaking favor," he snapped quietly, tossing the guard a grin for good measure.

"Go in."

Akaya breathed a quick sigh of relief and entered.

The bar was louder than anyone expected. Music blared from stationed speakers, and the chatter of mingling customers rang throughout the room. Akaya hid behind Yukimura.

They found four empty seats and sat. Yukimura ordered a martini, despite the fact he was much too young to be drinking. Niou ordered the same thing, Marui ordered a Candy Blast Iced Soda, and Akaya ordered orange juice.

The bartender seemed utterly surprised, but handed Akaya his orange juice nonetheless. Then he moved on to Yukimura. "So . . ."

Yukimura smiled. "Yes?"

"Uh, you single?"

"No."

Niou and Marui both chuckled. Their captain couldn't say he was dating Ri, for he was dressed as a female. He had to say a boy's name.

"Who're you with?"

" . . . Sanada Genichiro."

"WHOA!" Niou howled, falling off his chair with laughter. Marui joined in. Akaya just shrunk further down.

"Hey, kid. You with anyone?"

Akaya pouted. "I've got a fan club!" he declared. "Um . . . Ayaka Hitomi's club of fan boys! And it's growing by the minute!"

"Are you _with _anyone?"

Was this forty year old man hitting on him? That was a disturbing thought.

"Yeah. I'm with Kirihara Akaya, the sexy and hot."

Marui slapped himself on the forehead.

"Akaya Kirihara? That's my nephew!"

Akaya gaped, suddenly recognizing the perverted man. "Uncle Ryoji?"

"Hey, you know me?"

"I mean . . . uh . . . Akaya told me all about you!" he mended in his best girly voice.

"Really? He was always a great kid. What'd he say?"

"That you were crazy and nutty and a total pervert and Auntie was totally right when she said she should dump you," Akaya mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said, looking up and smiling sweetly.

"Oh, well, I'm glad you're dating my kid. Akaya mentioned you before, I think. You're that pianist, right?"

"Yep!"

"Then why don't you play a song for us on the piano?" Ryoji gestured to the grand piano in the center of the bar and looked at Akaya expectantly. "Hitomi, please. I'm sure Akaya would be mighty proud."

Akaya froze. "Shoot."

Niou began laughing again, clutching his abs in agony. Marui pounded on the table, and Yukimura watched with calm serenity.

"I'm not a . . . good pianist," he murmured, looking at the piano with fear.

"But you're a level nine!"

"My hands are sore," he yelped, jumping up and racing into the crowd. Within minutes, he was out of sight.

Akaya had crawled into the danger zone. The zone of drunks and players and perverts. Now it really begins.

* * *

Did you enjoy? I hope so. If anyone has any boy tips, please share them with me! If you have any Akaya torture tips, well, those are very welcome too.


	13. I've Never Ever

Back! I just made some poached eggs for breakfast. They're so good! I wish I made more . . . Well, I just wanted to thank you all for following this story. There will be more chapters to come. Special thanks to **Charmane, **for giving this story its hundredth review! And thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed almost every chapter. You will all be given an honorable mention when this story ends.

The idea of 'I've Never' was taken from Kirihara Akaya, the writer, not the character. I loved loved loved her birthday story about Marui. The name of the story is 'Happy Birthday'. It's really good. You ought to read it, if you don't already.

* * *

So there stood Akaya, in a woman's dress, kitten heels, and Akane's A-cups. He wanted nothing more than to sneak out and play some tennis, but he doubted he'd be able to walk anywhere near a mile in these shoes.

The musky scent of alcohol choked him. He dodged and weaved, hoping to avoid his creepy uncle. Never again would he attend one of his captain's get-togethers.

"Hey, girl!"

Akaya ignored the voice in his ears and continued to walk.

"You look pretty young. Emphasis on the pretty." The voice chuckled. "What's your name?"

Akaya swung around to glare at the person, who happened to be a thirty year old man with a crooked tooth. "I'm not a girl," he snarled, suddenly aware of how stupid he sounded. "I'm a boy who was tricked into cross-dressing by his tennis team captain."

The man laughed, his breath reeking of alcohol. "That's the best joke I've heard since . . . never. Anyway, you want to ditch this party and go to my place?"

Akaya's eyes boggled, but said nothing. Rather, he backed away slowly into another thirty year old man.

"Leave the poor kid alone," the second man snapped. Then he grinned goofily. "He's coming with me."

Akaya groaned inwardly. Just what he needed: Two ugly, thirty year old drunks about to fight over a cross-dressing thirteen year old.

"Aw, c'mon, Eichi. Let me have some fun with this kid, eh?" He threw his arm around Akaya, who wriggled away as swiftly as he could.

Eichi sneered. "No. You've got a wife, Arata."

"So have you!"

In the midst of their conversation, Arata dropped his cell phone. When Arata didn't seem to notice, Akaya took the opportunity to snatch it and look through the contacts list. Finally, he found the one he was looking for.

He clicked on the contact name 'Wife' and dialed her number.

A young woman answered. "Hello?"

"Hey, this is Akaya. I'm sure you don't know me, but I thought you might like to know that your husband is bisexual. He's hitting on me, and I'm scared. I'm only thirteen . . . and a boy," he said quickly, trying to make his voice sound sad and desperate.

"_What? He's cheating?"_

Akaya quickly hung up and gently dropped the cell phone back into Arata's pocket without him noticing. Then he sneaked Eichi's phone out of _his _pocket and dialed his wife. Two years with Niou the Pickpocket could teach a boy a lot.

A woman answered. "Hello?"

"Hi, this is Akaya. I'm thirteen, and Eichi-san is hitting on me. So I thought you might like to know he's bisexual and likes younger men."

". . . I see. He's at the bar, correct?"

"Yup. He's here with Arata-san, who is fighting with him over me, and I'm so scared."

"I'll be right there, dear. Let me contact Arata's wife. We'll meet them there. Thank you for notifying me."

"Sure." Happily, he dropped the phone into Eichi's pocket and skipped away.

By now, the music had stopped. Someone made an announcement. "And now, please welcome: Hitomi Ayaka!"

Akaya froze. "Shoot." He looked for the announcer. His uncle. Damn. He grabbed an apple from one of the refreshment tables and whipped at his face. Ryoji dropped to the floor, mumbling something about stars.

Catching sight of his seniors, he raced over to them, who were waving wildly. "Where have you been?" Yukimura scolded.

"Running away from two drunks," he answered easily.

Suddenly, the door to the bar burst open, and two women entered. "Where are they?" the first woman asked furiously. "Arata!"

"Oh, cr–"

"What the hell do you think you're doing, flirting with a teenage boy?" the second woman snapped, slapping Eichi upside the head.

Akaya stifled his laughter and followed his seniors to the far side of the bar.

"What happened?" Niou asked eagerly. "The first girl was hot."

"She's married," he replied bluntly. "And what happened to him?" He pointed to Marui, who was reeling.

"He's drunk," Yukimura explained. "He had too many Candy Blast martinis." He smirked wryly. "Went on a sugar high and almost passed out."

"Shouldn't we be getting home, then?"

"No! I don't feel like it yet. Besides, now that your old uncle passed out, we can take hold of the microphone and wreak havoc." Niou grinned at the thought.

Akaya shrugged. "Okay." He ran over to the microphone. "We're going to play a little game," he said into the microphone.

The crowd cheered.

"The game is called, 'I've Never'. You all know how to play, right?"

The crowd nodded, a wave of shaking heads.

"I'm starting the game," Niou shouted, grabbing the microphone. "I've never . . . bombed my school."

Akaya coughed awkwardly.

Three fourths of the crowd downed their drinks.

A random guy from the crowd came up to the piano and said, "I've never stripped in front of my partner."

Most of the crowd drank, including Niou. Akaya's eyes widened.

A woman came up to the stage. "I've never lap danced for my partner."

The same people drank, Niou included. Akaya gaped at his senior, whose smirk was growing. "Who did you . . ." Akaya trailed off. He couldn't bring himself to ask the question.

"I've never murdered my partner," Eichi's wife said, "but that will all change after tonight."

Quite a few people drank.

"I've never dyed my hair green," Marui said, staggering to the microphone.

The entire crowd, minus Akaya, drank. Which meant Yukimura and Niou also drank.

"I've never kissed a girl," Akaya grumbled.

A man wearing plaid overalls and Harry Potter glasses drank.

"I've never taken my partner shopping."

All the women in the crowd drank, most likely because their partners hated shopping.

"I've never stolen money from a bank," a teenager called out.

Niou drank.

The crowd eyed him with awe.

"I've never gotten a tattoo," Yukimura averred.

Most people drank, Akaya excluded, Niou included.

"I've never been arrested for drunk driving."

Niou drank again.

"But Niou-senpai, you can't even drive!" Akaya whispered. "How did you–" Then it dawned on him. "Oh."

"Exactly," Niou said with an evil grin.

"I've never knocked out my uncle," Yukimura called out, enjoying the look on Akaya's face.

Akaya drank for the first time that night.

"I've never gone to a therapist because of my violent temper," Niou snickered. Akaya grudgingly drank again.

"I've never had to drag my teammates out of a bar," a voice suddenly shouted. All three boys looked up to see Yanagi, hands on his hips.

Yukimura threw his head back and laughed. Marui lurched and dropped to the floor. Niou grinned wider and Akaya shrunk a little.

"Looks like we're going home after all," Yukimura said, chuckling violently.

Yanagi led the boys out of the bar. "You guys are in for a surprise. Yagyuu and Jackal did something quite . . . interesting to your house, Yukimura. Sanada helped."

Yukimura smiled. Niou quickened his pace, Marui tried not to throw up on the spot, and Akaya groaned.

Niou smiled wickedly. "At least it's not 'The Notebook'."

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed. I'm quite proud of myself for updating weekly. Thank you for reading! Reviews are certainly welcome.


	14. Home Makeover

Back! My mom's mad at me because I haven't been playing piano for a while now. Today, she expects me to be able to play some level eight composition. Of course I couldn't play it right. What did she expect? I'm not in a good mood right now. So now she's all, "You better play for at least an hour, every day!" Well, no duh. God.

Anyway, enjoy. I do think the next chapter will be more humorous than this one.

* * *

Yukimura appeared to be very happy, for he was smiling ear to ear. This frightened both Niou and Kirihara exceedingly. Marui wasn't scared at all because he was drunk. Yanagi chose not to meet his teammates' eyes, unsure of what they had done in the bar.

"That was very fun," Yukimura commented, shattering the silence. "I think I saw Keigo Atobe there."

A pause. "Really? Why didn't you say so?" Marui slurred. He teetered a bit.

"I didn't want to embarrass him, for he looked quite tainted."

"You mean 'drunk'?" Akaya asked confusedly.

"Basically."

"So much underage drinking," Niou mused. "Tsk, tsk, tsk."

"You shouldn't be talking," Akaya said with a snort.

"Yeah," drawled Marui. "See? I had eight glasses of Candy Blast Martinis and I'm not drunk. I can still walk straight." He demonstrated walking – actually, stumbling. Akaya cracked up while Yanagi proceeded to drag Marui in the direction of Yukimura's house.

The first thing they noticed ('they' being Akaya, Niou, and Yukimura as Marui was too drunk to see anything, and Yanagi had seen it already) was the queer shade of pink the formerly white door had become.

"What have you done?" Yukimura inquired cheerily. However, his narrowed eyes gave away his distaste.

"Yagyuu thought it might be interesting to make this a . . . a country house, and we sort of used your sister's dollhouse for inspiration."

"Eh? Akane-chan has a dollhouse?" Marui asked, still reeling.

For the first time ever, fear was shown in Yukimura's eyes. Quickly, he blinked and gave a smile. "Don't call her that, Marui. So that means . . ."

"Yes," Yanagi said hesitantly. "Perhaps you'd be better off checking it out yourself."

Yukimura forced another small smile and opened the door. Upon seeing that his walls were all painted pink with white polka-dots, he stepped inside tensely. "How did you do this in the little time that we were gone?" he whispered.

"Apparently, Jackal is very talented," answered Yanagi with a shrug.

"Ah! My eyes!" Akaya shrieked, diving for cover. He crouched under a table and tightly clasped his hands, praying for his life. This was the dreaded journey to the closet all over again.

"So my home was been turned into a dollhouse?" Yukimura asked, the smile still plastered on his face.

"Basically," he said tentatively. "Just about."

"Ah." Yukimura dared to take another step inside, and marched up the stairs into his room. Throwing open the door, he saw Yagyuu and Jackal each holding a dainty little teacup. They said something very polite and clinked the two little porcelain teacups together.

Glaring at them both – though the glare was carefully masked with a sweet smile – he said, "Good evening. What have we here?"

"Ah, good evening, sir." Apparently, neither of them wanted to directly answer the question. Yukimura's smile widened, and the frustrated glare in his eyes deepened.

"Jackal, what is this?"

"I thought redecorating the house – temporarily – would be an interesting experiment," Yagyuu cut in. "And Sanada thought the idea was very quaint, though he took the liberty of redecorating the dining room by himself."

Yukimura's eyes widened slightly, finding Sanada's involvement in this hard to believe. "Yes. Well . . ." He trailed off, taking in the scene. His bedroom walls were officially light red, and his modern platform bed had been replaced by a classy, _girly _bed with feathery pink pillows. "Oh, dear. I see you've replaced my tennis racquets as well."

The racquets were pink, and had little hearts engraved on the handle. Even the strings were pink. Yukimura took the racquet in his hand and clenched the handle tightly. His knuckles were turning white.

"All your stuff is in the closet," Jackal assured. "We didn't mess with it."

"However, I did get some very interesting data," Yanagi put in with a small smile. "I must send it to Sadaharu right away."

Sanada stayed silent. Niou snickered.

"Let's check out the dining room," Akaya suggested, having finally come of hiding.

Yukimura agreed quietly and entered the dining room. He smiled with amusement.

Instead of a round, glass table, a tennis ball table stood in the center of the room. The table had grooves where a tennis ball would have its grooves, and the surface was even green and fuzzy.

Glass flutes were replaced by childish, plastic cups with tennis racquet decorations. The elegant, cushioned seats were hidden somewhere. Instead, eight tennis ball accented seats surrounded the table.

Arching an eyebrow, he turned to Sanada and asked, "You did this?"

Sanada nodded, staring at one of the cups. "It's stained," he remarked.

"This must be the best room so far," Yukimura said with a sigh. "Why, why, why do you all think you have the right to 'girlify' my house?"

Niou grinned. "We missed out!"

Marui nodded drearily, and finally collapsed right there on the spot.

"What happened to him?" Akaya interrogated, for fear of his senior coming to life and turning into a zombie.

"He passed out," Sanada answered promptly, throwing the redhead a disdainful glance. Reluctantly, he carried Marui to the couch. Catching a whiff of the boy's breath, he added, "What did he drink? His breath is so . . . sickeningly sweet."

"A few dozen Candy Blast Martinis," Yukimura replied. That was clearly an exaggeration, but it seemed to fit the situation quite well.

Sanada obviously believed it, for his eyes widened and eyed the sleeping boy with pity. "He must be very drunk."

Akaya nodded. "He is! He can't even walk! He keeps on seeing double too!" He sounded very bright.

Niou snorted. "You should be happy. You've got a dollhouse, a _live size one._"

"A girl might be," he admitted. Once again, he surveyed the exceedingly pink, flowery, sparkly room. The hearts and polka-dots seemed to be burning his eyes. "Like my sister. But I don't intend to keep the house this way for long."

"When are you cleaning up, then?"

"Soon, Niou." Yukimura's navy blue eyes glinted. "Very soon."

Niou shuddered and took a few steps back. "I'll just . . . go and play a prank on Yagyuu or something."

"Sure." Yukimura waved him away absentmindedly and turned his attention back to the live horror film playing before him. A dollhouse. Wasn't that quaint?

"Uhm, captain?" Akaya asked quietly. "What should I go do?"

"You should go and get Jackal, Yagyuu, and Niou. We're going to have some fun." Muttering to himself, he added, "Why would they of all people choose to do this to me?"

Akaya nodded quickly and ran upstairs, eager to escape his captain's growing dark aura.

Yukimura began to pace. Back and forth, back and forth . . . until he collided with something hard. Rubbing his head, he looked up to see a large iron pole standing in the middle of the _living room _(how had he ended up there?), covered in pink and red balloons. Attached to it was a banner that read, 'We Wuhvs You! (Please Don't Kill Us, Yukimura.)' He smiled and reached for a scissor. Within a few seconds, all the balloons were popped, and all that was left was a pathetic row of pierced sheets of pink and red rubber.

Such a sweet, kind, loving, pitiful gesture.

He smiled. Why would he ever want to kill his precious teammates?

No, he was going to make them suffer instead. Death would be too quick, too easy.

Meanwhile, Niou closed his eyes and prayed. "At least this isn't 'The Notebook'," he whispered.

* * *

I'm sorry this wasn't read over. I'm in a hurry, so there may be a few typos there. I'll reread it when I get a chance and replace the chapter with the edited one, but for now, well . . . It's just, I'm already way behind schedule. I was supposed to update over six hours ago. I hope you enjoyed reading, though.


	15. Home Makeover Do Over

Oh my _God _I'm late again. I'm sorry; I had an appointment with the dentist. I just hate going to the dentist. Anyway, I'm probably going to be late next week as well, for I'm going to my best friend's party and sleeping over. I don't think I'm going to get home quickly enough to finish the story on time. See, we're going shopping. The mall at her borough is the only one with a Hollister, and I am dying to go to Hollister. She better not call off the party.

Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

"We're going to have a little fun," Yukimura announced once all the regulars had gathered. "And we're all going to enjoy it."

Niou grinned, clearly having something in mind. "What kind of fun?"

Yagyuu shook his head, aware of what his doubles partner was thinking of. "Not that, Niou-kun," he scolded briskly. "Don't be an imbecile."

". . . That's a fancy word for 'idiot', isn't it?"

"Yes, it certainly is."

"Ahem!" Yukimura looked at the two disapprovingly. "Anyway, we're all going to participate in a little activity." Gesturing to the vast expanse of pink and red, he said, "We're going to clean up."

"The clean-up song!" Akaya cheered happily. "Let's sing the clean-up song!"

Jackal didn't seem too upset by the idea, and Yanagi was already starting. Yagyuu began by sprinting up to Yukimura's room and setting up the tennis equipment. Niou, however, slapped his forehead. "That's not fair!" he complained. "I didn't do anything!"

"It's a group effort," Yukimura replied gently.

"Damn Marui; why does he get to sleep through this while the rest of us clean up the whole freaking house?"

"Because he's drunk and I feel bad for him. Now get started."

Niou groaned. Grabbing a handful of popped balloons was a good start, he supposed. In any case, the damage was already done.

A smirk found its way up to Niou's face. The damage was already done. So it wouldn't hurt if he did more damage, now would it? "Uh, Yukimura?"

"Yes?"

"I'll gladly clean up the living room all by myself," he averred generously.

"Well, okay. Thank you."

Hearing the surprise in his captain's voice, he smirked. Quickly, he ran upstairs before anyone else could and, pinching his nose, grabbed a few bottles of Akane's perfume.

Oh, where to start?

He pretended to clean up, stuffing pink balloons, streamers, and confetti into the wastebasket. But every now and then, he'd spray a corner of the living room with foul smelling perfume. Soon the living room was utterly spotless, normal, and filled with sickeningly sweet, dizzying scents.

"Yukimura! You want me to work on the dining room, too?" he asked after making sure the perfume wouldn't fade.

"That'd be kind of you," came the response, relieved. "Thank you very much. I'll go start on the washrooms."

"No problem!" Happily strutting over to the dining room, he began his dirty work. Luckily for him, Yukimura had replaced most of the furniture. All he needed to do was replace two of the chairs and repaint the walls. He chuckled menacingly. This was going to be fun. _Really _fun.

"Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up," Akaya sang happily from another end of the house.

Meanwhile, Akaya was enjoying himself too. He had woken up Marui and literally shoved him into the computer room to clean up. Marui was drowsily repainting the red walls with metallic navy blue paint. Akaya was doing the same. It actually looked quite good so far. Marui's diagonal brush strokes went quite well with Akaya's horizontal ones.

Akaya dragged the brush from one end of the wall to the other, just like he had done all his other brush strokes. What he did not notice was the fact that while he was painting the wall, he was painting Marui's back as well. Thanks to him, poor Marui's back was covered in blue paint. Even his hair. He was navy blue from the waist up.

Unfortunately, Akaya didn't realize that, and continued painting.

When Akaya finally finished that part of the wall and both regulars moved onto the next wall, neither noticed the big, Marui-shaped spot of unpainted-over pink blotch.

However, while Akaya was painting, Marui accidentally painted over him as well, leaving a good old Akaya shaped blotch on a wall as well.

Oh, joy.

Yagyuu and Jackal were cleaning up like normal, civilized human beings. With the furniture already moved and replaced, they calmly painted over the red walls of Yukimura's room with navy blue and gold paint. They had a feeling Yukimura's family – with the exception of Akane – had an obsession with navy blue, but said nothing.

Each stroke was perfectly executed, the corners and rims accurately lined with gold.

Well, that's boring. On to Yanagi and Sanada.

Yanagi and Sanada were working on the kitchen. They doubted that Yukimura's mother and father would take kindly to finding their kitchen completely demolished by a few ninth graders, the mother in particular. Sanada knew how much kitchens meant to women. From experience.

Luckily for them, they had chosen not to paint the walls. Instead, they scattered roses all over the floor. Which ultimately attracted many insects.

However, there was nothing that couldn't be solved without a little bug repellent. They had done _that _minutes ago. Now all they had to do was grab some flowers and toss them out the window, praying the roses didn't hit the neighbor's cat.

They chose to save a bouquet and place it in a vase for Yukimura's mother, just in case the regulars did some irreversible damage to the house.

And now Yukimura. He was repainting the entire washroom, with the exception of the wash closet, thank God. The restroom was officially pink and fuzzy. Literally. For some reason, someone thought it'd be interesting to line the shower with pink, fuzzy _fuzz. _He tore it off and unlocked the window, throwing the pink fluff onto a fat man walking past his house.

Resignedly, Yukimura repainted the pink and white, flowery walls with teal paint. Good thing his teammates didn't paint over the swirly designs on the modern glass sink; his mother would have killed them if they did.

Next, he had to repaint – and re-gloss – the bathtub edges gold. _Then _he had to replace the miniature tennis balls in the abstract vase with some white roses he had found on the doorstep, carelessly tossed.

Stepping back to admire his work, he had to admit, he did a damn good job.

He quickly checked his bedroom to make sure everything was done. Yagyuu and Jackal had apparently gone downstairs already, for the room was empty. However, there was a big message in graffiti letters that read: 'The Yukimura Family is Obsessed with Navy Blue'.

Confused, he chose to ignore it and go check the others' work instead.

"Are we all done?" he called, stepping downstairs.

"Yeah," they called back from different ends of the earth.

Right away, Yukimura sensed something was wrong. Something didn't . . . smell right. What was going on? He stepped into the dining room and gagged instantly. "What is this?" he demanded, pinching his nose and stomping into the dining room as elegantly as a Yukimura could.

But no one was there.

Yukimura frowned and walked into the living room, only to be suffocated again by nasty perfume. "What's going on?"

No one answered.

Furious, he marched up to his bedroom and called a meeting.

"Yes?" they all asked, innocent as angels.

Yukimura looked at them, and gaped when his eyes stopped on Marui and Akaya. Sputtering, he said, "What happened to you two?"

Akaya and Marui, who was still somewhat sleepy, looked confused. "What?"

"Turn around and look at your backs."

They did as they were told, straining their necks.

"_Oh my freaking GOD." _Instantly, he woke up.

Yukimura shook his head. "Too many weird things have been happening today. I found the dining room and living room to be sprayed with perfume –"

A cough sounded.

"–and I saw roses strewn all over my doorstep –"

Another cough. Two, in fact.

"–and graffiti on my bedroom wall about my family being obsessed with navy blue –"

Two coughs.

"–and now Akaya and Marui are both navy blue!"

"Only our backs," Marui protested, in an effort to regain some dignity.

"That's it!" Yukimura snapped. "We are going to solve this mystery. And we're going to start with some interrogations. _Now._"

This was the angriest state they had ever seen Yukimura in.

But it wasn't as bad as seeing the angry state Niou would be in if they watched 'The Notebook'.

* * *

Some of you have asked me about 'The Notebook'. No worries; the comments at the end of the story are there for a reason. Bear with me, okay? Hope you enjoyed reading; I apologize for any typos in this story. Reviews are certainly welcome.


	16. Growing Problems

Oh my freaking God I'm late again. I'm so sorry. I swear I'll try to get in the next chapter on time. The sleepover sucked, by the way. I knew nobody, and my friend just changed so much. We really don't have much in common anymore, and I hate her new friends. It's too bad, because we used to be best friends, too.

Anyway, in the last chapter, Yukimura and the others were about to have an interrogation to solve the 'mysteries' of the roses, painted backs, and all the other crazy things the regulars did to his house. Of course, we know the truth. Let's just hope Yukimura can solve them.

* * *

"Let's start our interrogation. Anyone who dares to lie will be forced to binge eat Inui's Deluxe Inui Juice Skittles." Everyone shuddered a little.

"It was a dark and rainy night," Yukimura started grimly. "I should've known trouble was coming. I could scent it from a mile away. And then my office door opened. A beautiful dame stepped inside, her strides long and elegant. Or perhaps it was the bundle of cash in her long, slender fingers that got my attention, but she certainly was a looker. Immediately, I–"

"We get the point," Marui interrupted.

"Anyway. We shall start with the Mystery of the Painted Backs." Yukimura nodded affirmatively. "Marui. Where were you when Kirihara was painting?"

"Painting," was the simple reply.

"Kirihara. Where were you when Marui was painting?"

"Painting."

"And did anyone else have access to the metallic blue paint? Were the doors adequately locked?"

"Probably. I mean, the bucket was sitting right there. And the doors were completely locked," Kirihara added ruefully. "Otherwise, we'd have escaped centuries ago."

"Therefore, we can immediately conclude that the criminal is in this room," Yukimura announced gravely. "It is one of us."

Suddenly, the room was very quiet.

That is, until Niou burst out laughing. "I'm sorry," he wheezed, "but this is so cliché."

"Niou!" Jackal reprimanded, secretly wishing he had been the one to say that the statement was cliché.

"That's alright," insisted Yukimura, the malice in his eyes assuring that Niou would be punished later. Niou gulped. "Let's continue. Renji, Sanada, Niou, Yagyuu, Akaya, Marui, and Jackal. Did any of you leave your posts?"

"Nope."

"Then only Marui and Akaya were at the scene of the crime. Since neither would paint over himself, and both Marui and Akaya were very tired at the time, it is possible that they were not fully aware of what they were doing. Therefore, Kirihara must have painted over Marui by accident and Marui did the same!" he announced.

Yukimura's so smart. He smiled his 'You-Know-You-Want-To-Worship-Me' smile.

There was steady applause and a few menacing growls from Akaya and Marui, who were silently vowing to murder one another. "Ahmokeeyoo!" Akaya screeched.

Silence.

"Uhm, what the hell was that?"

"Shut up, Niou-senpai. That's 'I'm going to kill you.'"

Yukimura ignored them both. "Next: The Mystery of the Thrown Roses." Yukimura's eyes darkened with anger. Renji and Sanada shrunk a little. "Now, why would roses be randomly strewn all over my doorstep? After a thorough examination and some snacks, I realized the only way this could've happened would have been going to the kitchen and throwing them out the window." He eyed Renji and Sanada. "Which means that you two threw it out." His eyes blazed.

Renji mumbled something and Sanada sighed inwardly. Niou was right; coming to this sleepover was the worst choice he ever made.

Then Yukimura burst into a smile. "Thanks so much. You two have fantastic aim; you hit the neighbor's cat many times over." There were practically sparkles floating around him.

The two of the Three Demons sweat dropped, but smiled politely anyway for fear of death.

"Now we have the Mystery of the Messed Up Living Room." Yukimura grinned. "Correction: That's no mystery. I know you did it, Niou."

Niou brightened. "Did you like it?"

"No."

Niou frowned.

"The Mystery of the Discriminating Graffiti."

"Discriminating?" Yagyuu repeated, bemused.

"Yes." Yukimura made a childish pouting face and elaborated. "What is so wrong with liking navy blue and gold?"

"Nothing," Jackal quickly answered.

Yukimura smiled again. "It's okay. You and Yagyuu are the only ones left, so I'm guessing it was you two. Now let's talk consequences."

No one liked the sound of that.

Luckily, Yukimura's cell phone shattered the very uncomfortable silence. He took one look at the caller ID and sighed, exasperated. "It's Akane." He flipped open the phone and put it to his ear after pressing the speaker button. "Hello?"

"Nii-san!"

"Yes?"

"I'm coming home soon with my boyfriend, okay?"

The regulars snickered. "She actually found a boyfriend?"

Yukimura whacked the nearest object he could find at them, which happened to be a blade. Casually disregarding the screams piercing the air, he continued, "Really? Well, the RikkaiDai regulars are still awake and, unfortunately, alive, so I hope you don't mind their disturbance."

There was a slight hesitation on the other end, some muttering, and then: "Sure. We'll be there soon. Thanks again."

He smiled quaintly. "No problem." Then he hung up and gave the regulars a glare. "So. Did you just insult my little sister?"

"Uh . . . I mean . . . Wait . . ."

"No! Mura-buchou! Don't–"

"Gah! Yukimura, that's a _scissor–_"

"Run!"

"Don't you dare!"

"Eighty laps!"

"We can't get out! The door is locked, damn it!"

"Oh, right."

"No! Mura-buchou! You're going to kill the piano!"

A loud crash followed.

". . . There goes the piano."

"And the window, actually."

"Akaya, why are you hiding under the table?"

"Jackal-senpai, where have you been for the past ten minutes?"

The door clicked open, and all screaming and throwing ceased. "Hi," Akane chirped, her long brown hair pulled into one, high ponytail. "How's it going?" She entered without even a comment on the total chaos.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Yukimura asked innocently, like nothing happened.

"Oh, he's parking his bike." She smiled. "He is so sweet. A bit older than me, like, by three years, but he really likes me for me. And he's in Tokyo too. He came here to Kanagawa just for me."

Yukimura returned her smile. "I'm sure he's simply wonderful."

Another person entered the house.

Everyone stared.

And gaped.

And gasped.

And stared some more.

"Akane-chan, is _he _your boyfriend?" Akaya choked out.

Akane nodded eagerly. "Yeah! He's so sweet. Why, do you know him?"

Sanada nodded, and followed Yukimura to the doorstep. Yukimura smiled politely and held out his hand. "Good evening . . . Fuji Syusuke."

* * *

Oh, no! Akane's boyfriend is Fuji! We all know he's as sadistic as Yukimura, if not worse. Heh, I just love love love torturing RikkaiDai.


	17. The Art of Sadism

I'm not late this time! Yes! And special thanks to my 150th reviewer, **Airashii Mochidzuki**. Here's hoping I can make it to two hundred. I kind of forgot to check who my fiftieth reviewer was. Maybe I'll check it now. . .

Also, in my story 'Fashion Sense', I requested a picture of Akaya cross-dressing. I have a few offers already, and if anyone else would like to attempt it, well, I'd be very grateful.

In the meantime, enjoy.

* * *

The regulars, with the exception of Yukimura and Sanada, gawked like Fuji was some extraterrestrial monster who had come to eat them alive. "F-F-F-Fu-Fuji?" Marui stammered.

Fuji cocked his head to one side and smiled pleasantly. "Good evening, RikkaiDai. How are you doing?"

Confused, Akane inquired, "Why are you all so afraid of Fuji-san?"

"Just Fuji will be fine," he insisted warmly. "Come now; go upstairs and relax. I'd like to speak to your brother and his friends."

Akane happily agreed and sprinted up the stairs.

There was an awkward silence between the tennis players, until Niou finally piped up, "I thought you were gay."

". . ."

Fuji ignored the comment and did not respond. Rather, he continued to smile. "Good evening, Niou Masaharu. Yukimura-kun has a fine sister." His eyes opened. "I'm sure you don't mind the fact that I date her. And that I've kissed her, and did some many unspeakable –"

"Gah!" Jackal quickly covered Akaya's ears.

Tossing his head back and laughing, he added, "Just kidding, just kidding. So I hear you're having a sleepover?"

"Yes, we are," Yanagi replied politely. "Good evening to you as well, Fuji-kun."

Yukimura walked towards Fuji until their noses were practically touching. "Well, I'm very glad my sister has such a polite, malicious, gentle, ignorant, talented, and annoying boyfriend, Fuji." He smiled thinly.

Instead of being offended, Fuji answered, "And I'm glad my date has such an admirable, ugly, skilled, sadistic, caring, and simplistic brother, Yukimura-kun."

Both of them smiled at each other while the others around them backed away slowly.

"What did you just call me, Fuji-kun?"

"I think I called you ugly, sadistic, and simplistic, Yukimura-kun."

"Oh, really, Fuji-kun?"

"Yes, Yukimura-kun."

"Drop the '-kun's and get on with life!" Marui complained, popping another piece of gum in his mouth.

"Please spit out the gum."

"Why?"

Fuji smiled sweetly. "Whenever I see gum, I feel the sudden urge to strangle anyone within a one mile radius of me, technically speaking."

"Good enough," he squeaked, promptly getting rid of the gum with a last, wistful glance.

"Do not be sad," Fuji consoled gently. "You'll be joining your dear piece of gum in hell soon enough."

"Oh, okay – _what?_"

"Did I say something?" Fuji looked as innocent as he could.

Yukimura gritted his teeth. "As a matter of fact, you did. Please refrain from torturing my teammates. That's my job, and I do not wish to be unemployed."

"I would never steal such a pathetic job from you," he assured warmly.

Yukimura smiled his 'Did-You-Just-Say-What-I-Think-You-Said?' smile.

Fuji replied with an 'Oh-Yes-I-Did-What-Are-You-Going-To-Do-About-It?' smile.

Niou, with his awesome observational skills, noted this. He whispered something to Yagyuu, who in turn slapped him upside the head. What he said, we shall never know. Yanagi, however, overheard and passed it on to Jackal, who fainted. No one caught him, and his head hit the hardwood floor.

"Maybe we should all try to get along," Sanada tried, clearly exasperated. "It is nearly ten-forty at night, and I am exhausted. Why don't you two form a temporary alliance?"

"What are you, a pacifist?" Yukimura snapped, losing his patience. "Never; Fuji and I have some scores to settle."

"What about me?" Akaya whined. "I'm the one who fought him at the Kanto tournament!"

"Shut up," Fuji answered nicely. "This is between the sadists."

"How do you suggest we find out who is better?"

"We can wreck the neighborhood," Fuji suggested. "And see who wrecks it best."

"Excellent idea! What shall the first challenge be?"

"There are two bus stops near this neighborhood," Yagyuu suddenly said. "You two could draw graffiti on them, and whichever one scars the mind more will win."

"You're supposed to be a gentleman," Marui said.

Proudly, Niou threw an arm around his doubles partner and replied, "He's learning well."

Yagyuu wriggled away.

"That's a fine solution," Fuji said. "Will Akane mind?"

"Of course not," Yukimura answered, waving away the ridiculous notion. "We just won't tell her."

"Who are the judges, then?"

"Niou, Yagyuu, and Sanada."

Sanada quickly shook his head. "No, I can't. This is very . . . inappropriate."

Yukimura grinned. "Whatever you say. Akaya?"

Sanada shook his head again. "Too young."

"Marui?"

"Too drunk."

"Jackal?"

"Too nice. And he fainted, remember?"

"Pity. Many people have fainted in the last few hours."

"Many minds have been scarred, too," Sanada grumbled.

"Renji, then?"

Yanagi opened his eyes. "That's fine with me."

"Then let us go and scar the minds of innocent bystanders!" Fuji cheered, walking outside.

Yukimura followed with a smile. "Renji, Niou, Yagyuu, follow me." Turning to Fuji, he added, "I'll be right there. All the equipment we'll need for graffiti are in my room."

"That's fine. I'll wait outside."

Yukimura darted up the stairs to retrieve the equipment necessary, muttering a quick greeting to Akane on the way back downstairs. He held up the cans of spray-paint and charged into the night.

"The bus stops are over there. There's one that goes to Eighth Street, and one that goes to the Historic and Science Museum. Those will be Yukimura's and Fuji's bus stops, respectively," Renji announced. "You both have a total of ten minutes to complete as many mind scarring images as you can. Begin!"

Yukimura walked to his bus stop and began calmly painting explicit pictures on the station and sidewalk. Fuji arrived at his bus stop, beginning to write certain things that would be better left unsaid.

"Are you done?" Yagyuu asked patiently ten minutes later.

"Just about," Yukimura replied, finishing his picture and walking over to Fuji, who had already finished his graffiti.

"Fantastic. Let's see what we've got here . . . ," Yanagi mumbled, looking around.

Niou grinned while Yagyuu murmured, "Oh, dear."

* * *

My, my. Maybe sadists don't get along as well as we thought. Then again . . . Well, you'll see.

Reviews are more than welcome.


	18. Evil Allies

There is some foul language in here (thanks to Fuji). So please excuse that! The --s stand for various curses that I will leave to your imagination.

Many of you were surprised that Yukimura and Fuji didn't get along. Well, they will eventually. No worries. And this chapter took me two hours to write. Which is very weird, but oh well!

* * *

Yagyuu decided it was good thing Kirihara had stayed home. The pictures drawn by Yukimura were very inappropriate for young, innocent minds. Yes, his captain was a professional mind killer.

Yanagi, on the other hand, was neutral. He observed his captain's creations as if they were pictures of cute pink ponies and unicorns and not mind scarring images of, well, _that._

Niou was already done with the judging. He had given both creations a ten out of ten.

"Well, what do you think?" asked Fuji earnestly. His smile was unfaltering, so sickeningly sweet that Yukimura was tempted to rip his head off. Fuji's head, that is.

"Yes, indeed. What do you think?" Yukimura gave them both an eye piercing stare. Fuji wasn't the only one with stunning eyes.

"Let's start with Yukimura's," Yanagi suggested. The other judges nodded seriously.

"It was very entertaining," Niou blurted. "Man, that girl was hot. And the clothes too! Damn, I wish I had a girlfriend who wore transparent lace bikinis to bed, positioned like that. I mean, her –"

Yagyuu smacked his forehead. "Please shut up, Niou-kun."

"What he means is, it was very well drawn. You drew the body proportions exceedingly well," Yanagi said. "Even the parts that you shouldn't have been able to draw so well. It makes me wonder where you saw –"

"It was good," Yagyuu interrupted again, before his teammates could traumatize him some more. "We all gave it ten stars."

Yukimura threw a haughty look at Fuji.

"Moving on to Fuji," Yanagi continued. "Instead of drawing pictures, you chose to write certain _things._ Let's start with your first phrase. 'Mizuki Hajime is a piece of --.'"

"Yes, he is," Fuji agreed. "Do you think so too? He's such a . . ." Following that sentence was a string of angry swears.

". . . Right. Well, anyway. Your next creation was . . . uh . . ."

"It was an excerpt from this short story I wrote," Fuji announced happily.

"Oh?" Yagyuu did not show it, but was inwardly delighted. Finally, someone intelligent and sane to talk to! "What's the title?"

"It's called: 'Mizuki is a Whore'." Fuji smiled brightly. "And it's about how Miburi is a total whore."

"I could infer that from the title," Yagyuu answered with a sweat drop.

Niou gave him a thumbs up. "So awesome."

Yanagi began reading the excerpt. "'I know a whore named Mikumi Hajackass. He is very whore-ish. Mizuli deserves to die. He should be sent to an insane asylum. I bet the only woman who will ever love Mimili is his mother. Actually, I don't think his mother even loves him. She probably wondered how she gave birth to such an ugly cow.'" Looking up, Yanagi inquired, "'Cow'?"

"Yes, he's a cow," Fuji replied calmly. "Got a problem with that?"

"Not at all," he quickly said, and continued reading the excerpt. "'I bet he's going to end up a ninety year old virgin living on the streets. No, Mifufi won't live to ninety. I think he's going to switch genders and become a prostitute. Oh, wait. He's already a girl.'"

Yukimura eyed Fuji with amusement. "Is he, really?"

"Oh, yes. Why else would he have such girly hair, a girly voice, and a big chest?"

Yagyuu blanched.

"I did notice that," Yukimura responded thoughtfully. "I always thought it was because he wore your sister's bras."

"Why would he have my sister's bras?"

"Well, he likes her! He thinks she's very beautiful."

"She is, but he isn't good enough for her. He should just eat rat carcass and die."

"Please allow me to continue," Yanagi cut in. "'I happen to think Mituti is a -- who should -- go to -- hell and -- himself. He is -- annoying and --. Miruki is ugly and -- and -- and -- and -- and very --. He really wants to -- a girl but the best he can do is probably go and -- a forty year old. And then have a one night stand. But he's not good enough for a one night stand; Mijuji should just -- himself. Because no one else would ever want to -- him.'"

"It's a nice excerpt," Niou announced.

There was sudden silence. Then Yukimura grinned and said, "I agree!"

Fuji grinned as well. "Thank you very much! Would you like to join the 'I hate Mizuki/Mituli/Mimuki/Mjuji/Mukiki Hajackass' club?

"Sure."

Then they did a little happy dance. "This may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship," Fuji said.

Yukimura smiled warmly.

Yanagi coughed. "Anyway. Don't you two want to know who the winner was?"

"Is Tezuka a rock?" Yukimura asked, ignoring Yanagi.

"He is," Fuji answered firmly. "He's a granite rock."

"Sanada is a rock too. He's married to his family stone," Yukimura whispered.

"Inui's married to his glasses," Fuji confirmed. "But Inui is bisexual. His glasses are female _and _male! He named them Katsuya and Natsume."

"Yagyuu has no face."

Yagyuu twitched a little.

"Ryo-chan has no life," Fuji added cheerily.

Somewhere in Japan, Echizen sneezed.

"Jackal is a sissy."

"So is Oishi."

"Please stop trying to out-insult one another's teams," Yagyuu tried.

"Momo is too loud for his own good."

"So is Aka-chan."

"Aka-chan?"

"Well, you refer to _your _junior ace as Ryo-chan."

"Touché."

"Anyway, where were we?"

"Dissing our teammates?"

"Yeah, basically. Let's see . . . Akaya's very violent and scary."

"Taka-san is violent and Kaido is scary. Inui is too, actually."

"Who's the scariest person on your team?"

"Apparently, me." Fuji looked bemused. "But really. Why would they be scared of me? I'm such a kind, sincere person."

Uhm, yeah. Sure.

"My team too! We're both such martyrs, aren't we?"

Fuji wiped away a tear. "I just can't believe they dislike me. I mean, it's not like I scare the hell out of them because I like to. And it's not like I _try _to make them drink Inui's juice."

"It's not like I want to make my teammates run two thousand laps and threaten them with a chainsaw when they disobey me," Yukimura added. "It's not like I enjoy scarring their minds and scaring them for months at a time."

"We have so much in common!"

"Yeah, we do."

Both of them pondered this for a little while.

"Instead of competing with each other, let's do something a little more . . . fun." The emphasis Fuji placed on 'fun' made it clear what their intentions were.

Yanagi and Yagyuu shivered. Niou backed away slowly.

"That's an excellent idea. Who shall we start with?"

"Let's flip."

And so Fuji took out a coin. Let the fun begin.

* * *

Did you guys watch the Olympics? It was so awesome!

Reviews are very welcome.


	19. Murderers

I had to update early today, because I'm going shopping later and I'd rather post the new chapter early than late. In any case, this chapter seems to be rather short of humor. I guess I'm kind of depressed, since this story will be ending soon. Any ideas for a new one? Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

"Tails," Fuji called.

The coin landed. It was tails. Fuji smiled happily. "Guess we'll start with Seigaku, then."

Yukimura gave Niou and the rest a look. "You three can go back to my house. We'll be there in a second." The glimmer in his eyes was enough to send all three packing.

"But it's nearly midnight," Yagyuu protested, being the most sensible of the bunch. Yanagi feigned a yawn to prove his teammate's point.

"Does it look like I give a --?" Yukimura answered pleasantly. Beautiful, pink cherry blossom petals danced around him, further accentuating the moment.

"Not at all," was the timid response, and before Fuji could open his eyes to glare at them, they were gone.

"So, what do you have in mind?"

"Well, there are some nice people I want to leave out, like Taka-san and Kaido. I have a list, see?" Fuji whipped out a mile long list out of nowhere, and began reading names off of it. "Mizuki, Inui, Oshitari, Gakuto, Mizuki, Shiraishi, Niou, Mizuki, Sanada, Yukimura, Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki, Mizuki –"

"I get it," Yukimura interrupted. "These are the people you want to leave out?"

"No, these are the people that must die." Fuji smiled pleasantly. "Which means Mizuki must die many, many times."

"Ah. But we won't have enough time to kill all these people. Let's just stick with one." Yukimura checked his cell phone. "It's 11:48 P.M. And besides, Akane has to go to sleep soon. You want to say goodbye, don't you?"

"You are so kind to your darling sister," Fuji answered, clearly touched.

"Yes, I am." The two boys shared a happy, blissful smile.

"Anyway. Who are we targeting?"

"Mizuki, I suppose." Fuji smiled. "I planned it all out." He pulled out another sheet of paper. "See, we take this here, paint that there, stab him here, electrocute him there, toss him out _that _window, drill that there and smash that right on his face . . ."

Yukimura listened intently.

"And then we just stick him under there! It's so simple."

"That is an amazing plan!"

First, they had to creep over to Mizuki's dorm room. Then they took his purse and pulled out his sparkly, pink lip gloss. Uncapping the tube of Maybelline's Cherry Burst, they shoved a head of lip gloss on his lips . . . and eyes and nose and ears. Fuji highlighted his hair and Yukimura stuck some of the gloss in Mizuki's ears.

Yukimura pulled out roughly two hundred pins, handed half to Fuji, and the two proceeded to poke Mizuki in various places. Before long, Mizuki had many miniscule red blotches on his face. Fuji was surprised he didn't wake up yet.

The damp towel Fuji took out was squeezed dry until every last bit of water was inside Mizuki's left nostril. The said boy twitched at this, but did not awaken. Fuji smiled and took out the wire from Yuuta's hair dryer. Yukimura and Fuji stuck the wire in Mizuki's nose and watched calmly as the sleeping teenager writhed in pain. He certainly wasn't sleeping anymore; he probably fainted.

It was much better that way.

Quickly, Fuji opened the window and Yukimura carried Mizuki to the said window. With dramatic flourish, he tossed the athlete out the window. Luckily for him, he was on the first floor and there was grass underneath to cushion his fall. Unluckily for the two sadists, Mizuki's eyes flew open.

"Guess we won't have time for the rest of the plan."

Yuuta began to stir.

Fuji shushed his partner in crime. "Yes, we will." Quickly, he took the drill he stole from the orthodontist's and powered it. The whirring sound was stunningly loud, but Fuji tossed it right on Mizuki's face before it had a chance to wake his little brother. He picked up the very pointy object he'd bought at a Geology and Crystal museum and flung it at Mizuki.

Needless to say, there was a scream.

"Is he dead yet?" Fuji asked innocently.

"No, I don't think so."

Fuji pouted. "How horrible. We have to go now. I guess I won't be able to shove him under a pointy fence anymore."

"Aniki?"

"Run!" Yukimura hissed, dragging Fuji out the door before they were discovered.

"Do you think he looks very bloody now?" Fuji inquired once they were a safe distance from the dorms.

Yukimura thought for a second. "Yes, I believe so."

"Huh. I guess that means he won't be able to play tennis for a while now."

"I don't think he'll be able to walk properly for a while now either."

"Will he be able to walk at all?"

". . . No, probably not."

"That's good, then."

"So then. It's roughly midnight, now. I should be getting home."

"Can I come with you? I didn't get to say goodnight to Akane-chan yet."

"Sure."

And so they skipped home like best friends, happily ignoring the pained moans of Mizuki behind them. Why would they concern themselves with him? After all, Yukimura still had RikkaiDai to torture.

* * *

This chapter was unbelievably short. Two pages shorter than usual, in fact. Oh, well. I hope the next chapter will be longer.

Reviews are very welcome.


	20. Of Cyanide and Suicide

I'm SO sorry. I forgot to thank the 200th reviewer, who was **crimsonscrosslast steep**! Thank you very much! I want to thank you all for reviewing. However, this story will be ending within the next few chapters. Maybe the twenty-second or third? I'm so sorry to see this story go, but new story ideas are always welcome. For example, _To Try _is a recent story I started. It's a drama/friendship story about the RikkaiDai regulars. Aside from that, there will be new stories that I hope you will all enjoy just as much.

In any case, please enjoy this chapter.

* * *

"Welcome back," Jackal greeted the two sadists weakly. "Yukimura, it's one in the morning. Don't you think we should all get some _rest_?"

"Of course not! Why would you even _think _such a horrible thing?" was the shocked response.

". . . I don't know," he answered flatly and walked back up the stairs. Akaya prepared to follow him.

"Akaya, are you really going to walk away from me?" Yukimura asked sadly.

"Yes," he grumbled, feeling vague regret at his beloved captain's pained expression. But the feeling of being sleep deprived was even more painful, and so he rushed up the stairs. Snoring could be heard two seconds later.

The other regulars joined them. Niou was delighted. He got away with a fistful of pranks _and _he didn't have to watch 'The Notebook'. This day couldn't have gotten any better.

Fuji walked upstairs as well to greet Akane. A few seconds later he walked back down, saying Akane was asleep and he had to leave. Yukimura thanked him for his time.

He sat by himself on the sofa, absentmindedly tapping on a DVD. Why, oh why, would they ever want to run away from him? What had he ever done to them?

Threaten them with a chainsaw, threaten them with Inui Juice, threaten them with the electric chair, threaten them with nail polish, and threaten them with sudden death

He had also brought a chainsaw to school, brought Inui Juice to the party, taken an electric wire and threaten to stick it in their ears, and brought nail polish and perfume to school. He didn't need solid proof to show that he could bring sudden death upon them. He was Yukimura. That was all that needed to be said.

Suddenly, some whispers sounded.

"_There's a ninety percent chance he's mourning right now."_

"_There's a one hundred percent chance I'll paint your face green if you don't shut up."_

"_Wait, senpai-tachi. Does that mean he can hear us right now?"_

"_Wait, everyone. May I –"_

"_Well, Yukimura _does _have excellent hearing."_

"_I wasn't asking you, Jackal-senpai."_

"_Ah, I see you're still upset from that incident with the crayons."_

"_Shut up! You make it sound like I'm three years old."_

"_That's because you _are._"_

"_Uhm, excuse me? Everyone?"_

"_Niou-senpai, you're so mean!"_

"_What? I'm just telling the truth!"_

"_Everyone, please listen to me! Yukimura is right downstairs and –"_

"_Look! Crayons!"_

"_Oh, freaking God. You little –"_

"_Waah! Niou-senpai wants to kill me!"_

"_When has he _not _wanted to kill you?"_

"EVERYONE SHUT THE -- UP!"

Yukimura smiled in amusement.

"_. . . Hiroshi, damn you're loud."_

"_Has it never occurred to you that Yukimura is right downstairs and might be listening to us? If he is, then we're doomed.""_

"_Well, now that you just shouted loud enough for Tokyo to hear, yes, I think yes. Thanks a lot, Hiroshi. Sheesh."_

"_. . . You know what? I'm going to sleep. Bad night, everyone."_

"_Bad night? What the freak?"_

Some scuffling was heard, and at last Yukimura decided they were right. It was time to go to sleep.

Psh, yeah right.

They were right. Right about two things. That Yukimura was listening, and that they were _so _screwed.

Oh, and one more thing. It was going to be a _bad _night.

Well, technically it wasn't night anymore. It was morning. Such a terrible way to start off the day, yes?

Perfect.

He sighed loudly. "Well, now. It seems it's _rather quiet. _I guess they have all _fallen asleep. Oh, what should I do now? _Maybe I'll just _slip some cyanide into their water bottles and go to sleep._"

Suddenly, it was eerily quiet. Then:

"_Oh, crap."_

"_Senpai? What's cyanide?"_

"_Cyanide is a dangerous chemical, frequently distinguished by its prominent scent of bitter almonds. The chemical can cause immediate death if consumed, and the likelihood of Yukimura possessing this chemical is eighty percent, which is quite disturbing. Anyway, the full name of this chemical is potassium cyanide. It was mentioned in the short story –"_

"_It's what's going to be the end of you if you don't shut up, Akaya."_

A cough sounded. _"Excellent way of putting it, Marui."_

"_You are all so mean."_

"_Tough luck."_

Yukimura chuckled. Stepping softly, he walked into the kitchen and took out some water. He walked up the stairs, making sure his footsteps were loud. He passed by his own room and walked to the bathroom, where the regulars had chosen to keep their bags. One by one, he poured a little bit of water into each of their bottles, with the exception of Yagyuu's. "Oh, it looks like _I have run out of cyanide. Guess I won't be able to pour any cyanide in this one bottle. And look! There is no more water in the house. I suppose I will have to go outside and buy some. I wonder how long that will take. I must be careful. I cannot forget the fact that there are burglars and murderers roaming the streets, and are likely to break into the house at any moment." _Then he walked back downstairs, opened the door, and slammed it shut. Quietly, he tiptoed into the game room.

"_. . . I'm thirsty."_

"_Oh, GOD. You couldn't have said that before our captain decided to kill us?"_

"_Well, Yukimura did say he left one of the bottles unopened. All we have to do is find out which one it is."_

"_But cyanide is clear."_

"_Oh dear."_

Footsteps sounded, and Yukimura quickly hid himself into a dark corner of the room, in case they saw him.

"_So which one is it?"_

"_It doesn't look like the water bottles have been moved."_

"_Well, no duh. Yukimura isn't dumb enough to just leave them sprawling out on the floor."_

"_Well, which one of us does he hate the least?"_

"_I really don't think that has anything to do with this. He probably did it at random."_

"_But we have to be careful. This isn't just Inui Juice or a chainsaw. This is cyanide; we can die in an instant. The police will be involved, and –"_

"_And they'll take Yukimura away. Let them!"_

"_NO! NIOU-SENPAI, YOU EVIL --!"_

"_Shut up."_

"_Wait, so which one is it?"_

"_Let's just drink them all."_

"_Are you _crazy?"

Yukimura chuckled to himself. Who needed the amusement park when you had the RikkaiDai tennis team?

* * *

Reviews are very welcome, and thank you for reading.


	21. Recklessness

Updates for all my stories will be slower from now on due to school. Ah, the malicious building.

Oh, to avoid confusion, italics are when Yukimura can't see who's talking.

In any case, enjoy!

* * *

"_What the hell do you mean, drink them all?" _

"_Unless you want Akaya to die of thirst, then have Yukimura kill us when he finds out."_

"_I don't think that's necessary, because WE'LL ALREADY BE DEAD!"_

"_Aw, come on. Let's try . . . Akaya's bottle. He hates Akaya the least."_

"_Fine."_

There was the sound of someone drinking the water, then choking, gagging, and a loud thud. Yukimura looked up in alarm. He had only poured water, not cyanide. So, then . . . what?

He looked down at the water in his hands and smiled. The container read 'Diamond Springs Inui Juice'. "Oopsy daisy."

"_OH MY GOD, Jackal is dead!"_

"_Good riddance!"_

"_Get over it, Akaya. They were just crayons."_

"_They were awesome crayons. There were one hundred colors, twenty of which were sparkly, twenty of which were metallic, twenty of which were my favorite colors, and –"_

"_We get it."_

Yukimura chuckled to himself.

"_Alrightie, well, we know Akaya's bottle is poisoned. So who next?"_

"_Jackal's bottle! He's dead, anyway."_

"_I feel bad for him. He died twice today."_

"_Yeah, but this time _for good."

"_Like I give a damn. Give me Jackal's bottle."_

_Choke, gag, thud, _Yukimura chanted silently.

"_YAY NIOU-SENPAI IS DEAD!"_

"_I guess I should be happy as well."_

"_Hey, here's an idea. How about we make Akaya drink one, and then we'll be rid of him, and won't have to risk anymore lives?"_

"_But Yukimura –"_

"_We'll just say we had no idea the bottles were poisoned, Akaya was thirsty, and went to get a drink of water."_

"_What about the rest of the bodies?"_

"_Just chuck them in a ravine or something."_

"_TARUNDORU!" _

"_Did Akaya hear us?"_

"_Did I hear what?"_

"_A-Akaya! Here, drink this."_

"_Is it poisoned?"_

"'_Course not. Why in loving hell would we ever want to poison you?"_

"_Because you said 'loving hell'."_

"_Smart little brat." _

"_Maybe you're just dumb."_

"_Anyway, here. Drink Yagyuu's."_

Yukimura chuckled again. Simple-minded idiots. Akaya was blessed.

"_Thanks, Marui-senpai! That tasted great!" _

Creeping out of his hiding spot and watching from behind a giant potted plant, Yukimura saw Akaya happily wipe his lips and trot back to bed.

Sanada's mouth gaped open. "Yukimura poisoned my drink," he whimpered, looking totally out of character. Yanagi scribbled some notes down and chuckled evilly.

"Damn it!" Marui cried.

"Be quiet!" Yagyuu reprimanded. "We have both lost our doubles partners. Shouldn't we at least grieve?"

"I should grieve," Marui corrected. "You should be doing the cha-cha on Niou's grave."

". . . That's true."

Yukimura almost laughed, but restrained himself and tiptoed back downstairs. Time for his awesome entrance.

He always hid a black ninja outfit in his kitchen. (Akane hid a piranha costume, but that was another story.) As quickly as he could, he changed into it, crept outside, closed the door as quietly as he could, and then burst it open. Just as he expected, his teammates peeked in horror and quickly hid back in his room.

"_Yukimura warned us of thieves and burglars, didn't he?"_

"_Oh, crap."_

"Who's there?" he demanded, in the roughest, most gruesome voice he could muster. He help up a very real looking water gun. "Show yourself!"

"_No one's home!" _Akaya squeaked. Following that was a series of 'shhh's.

"If that's the case, I shall steal all the valuables in this house."

"_Oh no. What are we going to do?"_

Yukimura grinned inside his costume. "What fun," he muttered, raising his gun once more.

* * *

Overly short, I know. Very sorry! It's just, I needed to get this finished in twenty minutes' time. Again, my apologies. I'll try to make the next chapter longer, I swear. Reviews are very welcome, as always.


	22. Who Cares About Burglars?

Again, a short chapter. My apologies, but I have to write _To Try _today, post it tomorrow, finish my English project, decorate my Social Studies project, start planning my mystery novel, and convince my Renee to write her YuGiOh GX story before she quits FFnet. So, yeah. I've got a lot to do today. Sorry! I guess there will be more chapters than I thought.

* * *

"Oh, look. It's a priceless vase that the owners of this house will surely miss!" Yukimura exclaimed. "It's a good thing there is no one in the house, because if there were, then the owners of the house would certainly kill the person because he didn't guard the house properly."

There were some frantic hushed whispers.

Yukimura should have been offended, but he was having too much fun to care. "Lookie here! It's another priceless object!" He picked up one of his sister's dolls. "It's a priceless statue that is worth billions of dollars!"

"_Oh, crap. We're so screwed."_

Yanagi was taking notes in his little Inui-hand-me-down notebook. "Yukimura will be infuriated."

"No freaking duh!" Akaya cried, burying his head under the covers of Yukimura's bed and leaving tear streaks on the comforters. "I don't want to die!"

"I remember that Yukimura said the burglars frequently murdered people?" Sanada said slowly, making it sound more like a question than a statement.

"Oh, crap. We're so screwed," Marui repeated.

"We should try to stop the burglar!" Niou announced.

"Why the freak would we do that?"

"Hm. I don't know."

"L-let's just read a book," Akaya mumbled. "Mura-buchou's got a lot of books here." He pulled a random book from the shelf. "Agatha Christie: _And Then There Were None. _It sounds cheery, right?"

Sanada face-palmed.

"Let _me _read a part," Niou snapped, "so I can knock some sense into your furry head. _'The little china figure fell from her hand. It rolled unheeded and broke against the fender. _

"_Like an automaton Vera moved forward. This was the end—here where the cold wet hand (Cyril's hand, of course) had touched her throat. . . ._

""_You can go to the rock, Cyril. . . ."_

"_That was what murder was—as easy as that!_

"_But afterwards, you went on remembering. . . ._

"_She climbed up on the chair, her eyes staring in front of her like a sleepwalker's. . . . She adjusted the noose round her neck._

"_Hugo was there to see she did what she had to do._

"_She kicked away the chair. . . ."_

Akaya stared at his senior. "I have no idea what you just said. What's a china figure? What's an automaton? What's a chair? What's a hand? What's a rock? What's a fender? What's a Hugo? What's a Vera? What's a—"

"We get it," Yagyuu interrupted, trying to stay calm. "Stop trying to frighten Akaya and let's think of a plan. Maybe we can calmly propose a truce with the burglar?"

"What is your _problem?_"

"Well, we've got to think of something! Jackal's already dead." A pause. "Again."

"You say that like it's nothing."

"Well, who's going to miss him anyway? He has no fangirls."

". . ."

"What? It's true!"

Yagyuu shook his head. "I surrender. We've got to think of a plan to protect Yukimura's belongings. Or the thief may end up stealing the most valuable thing in this house of all!"

"Our lives?"

"No, the tennis racquets!"

"Oh."

"For some reason," Niou mused, "I thought you were going to say Akane's undergarments."

"I take offense to that."

"Like we care."

"Well, that's nice," Marui grumbled.

"Everyone, stop fighting! Such cowards you all are. Our captain's home and valuables are in danger, and all you can talk about are undergarments and tennis racquets. Not that racquets are bad. But we must protect Yukimura's home! And I shall personally omit any regular from the tennis team who does not participate in this."

"Thank you for that, Sanada."

"Yagyuu-senpai and Sanada fukubuchou are creepy."

"Akaya. . . ."

"Sanada-fukubuchou gets extra creepy points for that!"

"Just stop talking," Yanagi cut in, as though he were disappointed.

"Aw."

Akaya looked up. Yanagi was still taking notes, Yagyuu and Jackal were just lying on the floor (the former being bored and the latter being dead), Sanada was gaping at them all in disbelief, Marui was reading a girly magazine, and Niou was . . . reading a novel?

"What are you doing, Niou-senpai?"

"This book is really good," he answered. "My favorite character is the murderer. I could learn a lot from him. Too bad he's dead."

"I'm not sure how to respond to that, senpai."

"I'm not quite sure either."

Meanwhile, on the first floor, Yukimura chuckled at his teammates' stupidity.

"Is that talking I hear? I guess I should take out my gun now," Yukimura said loudly.

"WE'RE NOT TALKING!" Akaya cried.

"Shut up!" barked Niou, shoving the junior under the bed.

"Ouch," Akaya whined, kicking fruitlessly. "My head, Niou-senpai!"

"There's the freaking murderer in the house. I could care less about your head. To be honest, I wouldn't care about your head even if there weren't a murderer in the house."

"You're such a nice senpai!"

"I know. You should totally learn from me."

"Wait, what about the murderer?"

"He's coming . . ."

* * *

I'm so sorry! I had to replace this chapter because I forgot to thank:

Paffu: Thank you very much for reviewing! I'm just evil that way, I know.

xanne benedicto: I love him too! Ahaha, I'm so glad we agree. Thank you for reviewing!


	23. Burglar Buddies

This chapter is short _and _late. I haven't finished my homework yet, I got sidetracked watching television, and I'm in so much trouble. I'm having boy problems. Heavens, when _haven't _I had a problem?

But special thanks to **pizzaslices, **for giving this story its 250th review! Whee! Enjoy this chapter.

* * *

"That's a stupid plan, senpai," Akaya complained.

Yanagi frowned. "I'm the genius here; I revived Jackal, didn't I?"

"Yeah, by means of electrocution," Sanada muttered.

"I'd like to see you think of something better. We need to protect the priceless valuables in this house!"

"Our lives?"

"I answered that question already," Yagyuu stated.

"And for the record, I still don't care about your head," Niou commented.

"Wait, so what's the plan? I forgot."

"Akaya dresses up like a girl and woos the burglar while we go and find weapons. Marui and Niou have to carefully guard the entrance in case the burglar plans to escape. Yanagi and Yagyuu will prepare a nice dinner since we're all hungry, Sanada and I will practice some tennis because that's what we do best, and we'll all wait for Yukimura to come back so he can praise us for our bravery and cleverness. Then we'll all dance around a table like idiots, hold hands, and imagine a rainbow behind us," Jackal explained. "Right, Yanagi?"

"Right."

"What will that accomplish?" Akaya demanded.

"A new friend who will come to our house everyday to steal our priceless valuables," Sanada answered sarcastically.

"WHOA. Sanada-fukubuchou used sarcasm!"

"B-but, that's impossible! He's _Sanada!"_

"Oh Lords of Tennis, this is going in the Book of World Records!"

"There's only one Lord of Tennis, Niou."

"Who, that annoying catty kid from Seigaku?"

"Yeah, him."

"By catty, do you mean bitchy or he looks like a cat?"

"Both."

"Whatever; _we _are the Lords of Tennis."

"That comment was so Marui!"

"Shut up, Akaya! No one likes hearing you talk!"

"Say that to his fangirls, Niou! He has more than you do!"

"Sh-shut up! He has more fangirls than you, too."

Yanagi looked up. "Jackal has no fangirls."

"How many times have we confirmed that fact?"

"Too many."

Footsteps sounded, growing louder and louder.

"Oh no, oh no! Who could it be! Oh wait, here comes the very ugly—" Yagyuu gave Niou a quick kick in the shin. "—I mean, _pretty _Ayaka!"

Akaya stared blankly.

"That's your cue," Jackal whispered.

"Aw, fine." Akaya pouted. "Hold on, I have to change." A few minutes later, a very pretty girl dressed in a flowery dress marched downstairs. "Yo, what's up?"

"Be polite!" Marui whispered loudly.

"I am!" Akaya snapped. Then he turned around to face the ninja. "I like your outfit."

Yukimura, of course, was laughing hysterically in his costume, but managed to choke out, "Thank you. Mind telling me where the priceless valuables are?"

"Oh, the tennis racquets? I can't let you have them. But you can take our lives!"

Sanada face-palmed.

"Oh, _really?_" Yukimura pulled out a water gun. "Can I shoot you, then?"

"Sure!"

Yukimura smiled. "I'll save that fun for later, then."

"I used to be friends with a burglar!" Akaya chirped.

This surprised the 'burglar'. "Really?"

"Yeah. I hated this guy, and he hated me too, so I made friends with a burglar and helped him steal stuff from the guy's house."

". . . Is that friendship?" Jackal demanded.

"Yes," Niou answered.

Marui nodded. "Yeah, in a twisted sort of way."

"I think," Sanada began, "we should be very worried right now."

"That's amazing!" Yukimura exclaimed. "What did the guy's parents say?"

"I'm not sure. I think they just grounded him for life, because he was the only one home at the time. It's such a small punishment."

"I agree." Yukimura paused. "We'd make lovely friends, wouldn't we?"

"Totally. Did I tell you I'm a guy?"

"I figured as much."

"So what do you think of tennis?"

Meanwhile, upstairs, Marui was rolling on the floor with laughter while Sanada repeatedly face-palmed.

"Leave it to Kirihara to make friends with a burglar," Yagyuu mused.

"What's so bad about that? My cousin is a burglar!" Niou argued. "He's perfectly normal!"

"Is he anything like you?"

"No, not at all. He's a much better person."

"Then he must be horrible," Yagyuu deliberated.

"But we can't just have Akaya make friends with a burglar."

"You're right." Niou nodded affirmatively. "Why should he have all the fun?"


	24. It's Here

Hi! This is the last chapter. So sad, so sad. I don't think it'll make the 300th review, but I'm grateful anyway. Thank you all for reading this far! Special thanks to:

**T0m03-chan, pizzaslices, iPurpleBerry, Charmane, shannalin, FallenAngel Sayu, The Tensai Fangirl, Kona-neechan, PGMD, Airashii Mochidzuki, Moonlite Lover, SakuraIroKaze, Rosie-chan, Hidden Pleasures, I love marui, **and** jasmin wz here. **

There are so many more people, but I can't list them all. If I did, the thank you section would be longer than the actual story. I'm so sorry about that, but you all know who you are. So thank you all for reviewing!

* * *

"Say, burglar-sama," Akaya piped up.

"He's addressing him with –sama?" Marui demanded. "What the —?"

Niou shrugged. "I'm a good influence, I guess."

". . . Yeah, okay." Yagyuu was obviously unconvinced, but did not argue. "We should probably save Akaya from that burglar."

"But I want to have fun!" Niou whined.

"Yeah!" Marui cheered. "I want to make friends with a murderer too! And then we can have him teach us the art of stabbing people in the back."

"Nah, I already know how to do that."

"I won't even ask," Sanada mumbled. "You can all deal with the murderer. I'm going to sleep."

Sanada was being irresponsible. That was, like, impossible. Yanagi was having quite a lot of fun writing all this down. "We _should _end this, though," Yanagi put in. "It's nearly three in the morning."

"That's fantastic," Yagyuu answered. "And we don't care. You two have fun. The rest of us are going to sleep."

"FINE!" Marui and Niou snapped. "You guys have fun being prudes."

"What does being a prude have to do with anything?" Jackal demanded. "I feel insulted."

"You know, I suddenly have an urge to watch an American drama."

"Why American?"

"Because the women on their show are really hot," Niou replied.

"You've done enough mind-scarring for one day. Go to sleep or run fifty laps tomorrow."

"Sanada's no fun."

"When has he ever been fun?" Marui asked. "Let's just get the murderer out of the house and sleep."

"Aw, fine."

Downstairs, Akaya was talking to the alleged murderer. "So can I see your cool mask?"

Niou cheered silently. "The brat is actually smart! By taking his mask, the brat can take him down more easily."

"It's so awesome!" Akaya exclaimed. "Can I have it?"

Niou face-palmed.

"Of course," Yukimura responded. "It _is _a great mask. It was made in Italy."

"What's it made of? Leather?"

"No, plastic!"

"That's _so cool!_"

Yukimura chuckled. "Don't you recognize me, Akaya?"

Akaya looked up. He was silent for a few seconds, and then his face lit up. "You look a lot like that cartoon from the children's network! You know, the guy who's friends with the purple dinosaur."

Yukimura laughed. "You're sure you don't remember me?"

At that, Niou and Marui crept downstairs. "Holy —, it's Yukimura." They raced downstairs to greet him.

"Really?" Akaya stared at his captain. "You don't look like Mura-buchou."

Marui laughed. "You're right, Akaya. He doesn't look like Mura at all. He looks like his evil twin."

"That wasn't even funny," Niou interrupted, looking disappointed.

Yukimura smiled at them. "So you're not mad that I tried to kill you all?" He held out a pocket-blade. "Right?"

The light reflected off the blade as Niou and Marui stammered yes in a very nervous fashion.

"And it's not because I'm threatening to kill you?" Yukimura pressed.

"Well—" Marui stepped on Niou's foot. "No, not at all," Niou said, grimacing in pain. "Damn it, Marui, what the hell are you wearing? Heels?"

"Cleats," Marui chirped.

"And Akaya, dear, please get out of that dress. It's scaring me," Yukimura chided.

"YUKIMURA? SCARED?" Yanagi shouted from upstairs. There was the sound of some furious scribbling, and then Sanada shouting:

"Everyone go to sleep or you'll be kicked off the team."

"You use that threat too much."

". . . Be quiet, Yagyuu."

"He learned that from me!" Niou hollered, waving his arms like a proud parent.

"Well, it seems everyone is awake." Yukimura's eyes glinted. "Let's have a little end of sleepover type of celebration."

There was a collective groan.

"I _said_, let's have a little end of sleepover type of celebration."

Everyone cheered with weak enthusiasm.

Yukimura beamed. "I'm so glad you all enjoyed this sleepover!"

"Did we say that?" Marui asked weakly. He was clinging onto the couch for dear life, looking at Yukimura's pocket-blade with absolute terror. "Dear God, Mura, where do you get this stuff?"

"EBay."

". . . Oh."

"Everyone, come downstairs. I have a little announcement to make." Yukimura settled on the couch, dislodging Marui, who tumbled to the floor.

"Oww," he whined. "I need more sugar."

"Do you want a hug?" Akaya beamed.

"No thanks," Marui replied, backing away. "That dress of yours really scares me. You look like my mom when she's planning my family's demise."

"Your mom does that?" Niou asked. "Mine too!"

They high-fived.

Slowly but surely, the others walked downstairs. "Good morning," Jackal yawned. Yagyuu nodded to his captain and promptly curled up into a ball on the floor. Sanada seemed to be sleepwalking.

"I thought we should celebrate this one last day with something I know you'll all enjoy," Yukimura began. "It's a tale of adventure, mystery, betrayal, and pain."

"Is there any dying?" Niou asked.

"There are two deaths, as far as I can remember. So pitifully painful to watch."

"Is it that awesome movie that took place in Troy or something?"

"No, Marui. It is, however, a lovely movie. It made me—"

"Scream in fear?"

"No, it made me weep."

"It must be a fantastic movie, then, to make _Mura-buchou _cry." Akaya shivered. "Was it that scary?"

"You'll see," Yukimura sang.

He popped a disc into the DVD player and turned on the television. There was an elderly man on the screen, reading from a notebook.

Niou gaped. "Oh, crap."

Marui and Akaya stared at him. "What?"

Sanada wasn't listening, and Yagyuu had his eyes glued to the screen. Jackal watched the movie with Yagyuu, and Yukimura had a very creepy grin on his face.

"It's _here,_" Niou whispered.

On the screen, the words 'The Notebook' popped up.

* * *

It's the end! I watched the movie myself; it was quite lovely. Although, I doubt Niou would agree with me.

Reviews are very welcome!


End file.
